Page 41 of Allegiant

I stand up anyway and move to the kitchen, where I wash out my bowl and place a lid on the leftover salad. For some reason, my eyes sting, almost like I’m about to cry. But Larry’s words have never hurt me before.

I must be breaking.

Nope! No can do!

I force that smile back on my face and swipe at my eyes, turning to see Larry craning his neck over the couch and frowning.

“Why are you crying?” he demands.

“Aw, do you care?”

He huffs and turns around. “No. Don’t give a crap.”

He sets his salad bowl on the end table and turns the TV up, signaling that it’s my time to go. Normally, I’d stay, forcing my company on him. But tonight I think it’s time to go back to my place. My body is sore from dancing for too long, from pushing myself past my limits. And my face hurts even more from trying to keep it together.

I don’t need to sit here and cry in front of Larry.

He wouldn’t approve.

He’d probably murder me with his cane.

So I whistle to Nugget and let myself out with a jovial wave. He waddles close to me as we go next door. I don’t know why Samson not waiting outside for me in the dark sours my mood, but it does. As soon as I’m inside the apartment, I let my smile fade. It’s my bitter reality.

I swipe at my eyes as I look at the kitchen. I didn’t have time to clean it after baking, but I’m not in the mood. I’ll do it later.

If I feel up to it.

Right now, I need tea and a hot bath. I’d usually opt for wine, but I don’t need to feel more depressed than I already do. I have two more days to get through. Two more before…

I don’t let myself think about it, just turn on the kettle and run my bath. When I’m tucked beneath the warm water and fragrant bubbles, my lips pressed against the mug, a soft melody pulsing through my phone, I let my eyes close.

A single tear falls down my cheek. I swipe it away.

“What’s wrong?” a voice says, and my eyes shoot open.

“Jesus Christ,” I shriek, water sloshing over the edge. “You scared the life out of me. What the hell are you doing here?”

Nugget didn’t even bark when he entered. Probably decided Samson is his now.

Traitor.

Samson ignores my question, looming over me, his arms folded across his chest. “Why are you crying?”

I stare up at him and my lips wobble. But there is no time for that.

I force that smile back onto my face, wider than it should be.

Samson stares at it, and his eyes narrow. “What the fuck is that?”

I turn my gaze away, letting that smile fade slightly. “You sound like Larry.”

“What’s wrong, Rowan?” My name on his mouth…it makes something inside of me stir.

“Nothing. I promise. Just a long day.”

More like a long year, but I don’t say that, just take a long sip of my scalding tea and swallow.

“You’re lying.”