Page 50 of Pretty Thing

He is serious, I can see it in his eyes, but I don’t know what to say. There is a spark of tension as we stare at one another. Felix clears his throat and steps away, bursting the bubble. I take a slow, shuddering breath when he grabs my long, black coat that I’ve left on the wooden banister and helps me put it on.

Felix doesn’t say anything else as we head out of the house. He guides me into the car, and we drive to the funeral home.

At least it’s sunny today. Warm rays reflect off the fresh blanket of snow we got last night, making it look like the world is covered in little diamonds. Mom loved days like today. Whenever someone asked her why we lived in a place that is cold for seven months of the year, she would just smile and say, “You don’t understand the magic.”

Felix grabs my hand, running his thumb over the skin.

“It’s going to be okay.”

“Can I ask what you did for your brother? You didn’t tell me about a celebration of life or anything.”

He slowly removes his hand, and I want to grab it back, hating to lose the contact.

“He was cremated. We didn’t have a funeral or celebration. It’s only me and Uncle Jim, so no point in having a celebration just us. I’m sure my friend Matt would have come, but like I said, helping you…helps me.”

My heart aches for him now too, and I’m sorry that I asked such a sad question. I’m trying to think of something to say when we pull into the parking lot. Felix parks in the closest spot and shuts off the car. When he turns to me, his blue eyes search my face.

I shift under his stare.

“I love what you did with your hair,” he says, reaching out and running a piece through his fingers.

I always hated my hair because it seemed so plain with the dark brown that I’m too nervous to dye.

“I just straightened it.”

“You are so pretty, you know that, right? Just like a ray of sunshine on a field of sunflowers in summer.” My brain flounders as I try to come up with a response. “Just remember, I’m here for you.”

Felix hops out, and I take a slow and steady breath.

All I know is that I’m a colossal mess.

Four hours later, I’m sitting in my living room staring at the wall. People move around me in a sea of low conversation and tiny plates of food from some caterer whose name I don’t remember. I look up when Felix touches my hand.

Wordlessly, he takes my used tissue and hands me a new one before walking away and disappearing into the crowd.

Do I even know half of these people? I’m sure I do. I must, and yet…I can’t tell you their names to save my soul.

Kris sits down beside me on a footstool and puts her hand on my knee.

“It was a beautiful service,” she says.

It really was.

“Thanks, but I can’t take credit. Felix did it all.”

Her face twists as she presses her lips together. I know that look. It’s her ‘I don’t really want to say this, but I’m going to’ look.

“Eden…don’t you find it strange how involved he is with everything? I’ve known you since we were kids and I would never dream of making such important decisions for you.”

I open my mouth, but she holds up her hand to stop me from interrupting her.

“I know you said that he just wants to help, and that it helps him too, or something. But…Eden, look around.” I do, but I don’t see what she sees. “He’s everywhere. He’s organizing food and pouring drinks. He stood with you in the reception line, and…I don’t know. It’s like you two are married or something. Every time I talk to you, he is either here, on his way over, or just left. Do you go a day without seeing or talking to him?”

“What does it matter? He’s not hurting me. I don’t think my parents would want me alone just because they died, do you?”

“No, of course not, and I’m happy for you, but…I can’t explain it. It’s not that he’s done anything that I can really point to and say, that is the thing, but he just seems to be taking over your life.”

I dab at my eyes again as a fresh wave of tears hits.