Page 197 of The Monster and the Masochist

“Every time I close my eyes, he’s there. I’m back in that fucking room with him, and I can’t… I can’t find my way out. The door’s always locked, and I can’t… I can’t escape. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?” I choked.

“I can’t close my eyes… I can’t sleep when I’m like this. The flashbacks… they… They’re too much. I’m not strong enough to fight them anymore, Cassandra. I’ve been trying my whole life. I’ve tried to think of three fucking good things, but it doesn’t work. Nothing fucking works!”

I was screaming again, but Cassandra didn’t flinch away.

If anything, she just held me tighter against her.

She snaked a hand between us, and it took me a second to realize what she was looking for.

It became clear, however, when she tugged at the silver chain I’d forgotten was still draped around my neck.

Shushing me softly, she tucked the silver Q-Tip into my hand and curled my fingers around the charm.

I’d completely forgotten I was even wearing it, but as Cass cradled my fist in her hands, I felt the familiar spark and tingle of its magic against my palm.

“You don’t need three good things, Theodora,” she said quietly. Tilting her head up, she brushed her lips gently against mine, and just that soft touch was enough to help me get my bearings. “All you need… is me.”

I stared at her from inches away, still too afraid to close my eyes, even just to kiss her.

She gave me a sad, yet somehow reassuring smile before reaching up to trace her index finger down the bridge of her nose.

“Put me in the room with him,” she whispered.

“Wh-what?” I stuttered, and she glanced down between us at where I was still desperately clutching the silver Q-Tip in my fist.

“Close your eyes, Theo. Let him come. And when he does, I’ll be right there with you. I told you I wouldn’t let anything hurt you, and I meant it.”

She closed her fingers over my fist and leaned up, kissing me gently on the forehead. Her dark hair fell in a curtain around us, enveloping me in her warm, comforting scent.

“I’m scared,” I admitted, my voice cracking slightly, and she nodded.

“I know, baby. But I’ve got you. Always. But you have to let me in, Theo. I can’t protect you if you don’t let me in.”

We sat there, both of us silent for a long moment, as I considered her words.

I was terrified… but I trusted her, and I’d tried everything else. As much as the thought of voluntarily allowing myself to succumb to a flashback scared the shit out of me, part of me wondered if this might actually work.

What if I did this and was able to take control of the memory and insert Cassandra into it?

What would she do?

Looking at her now… I didn’t need to guess.

I knew what she would do. Not just to the memory of Father Samwell, but to the man himself if she ever got a hold of him…

She would fucking kill him, and she would make him scream for her while she did it.

If I could trust anyone to help me with this, it was the woman who’d just told me she loved me.

Loved me more than anything, she’d said.

Finally, I nodded.

“You promise you’ll make him go away?” I whispered. My voice came out small and unsure, like the little version of myself that hadn’t had a chance to grow up properly was slowly taking over my body. Cass nodded, pulling me close and tucking my head into the crook of her neck.

“I’ll do better than just make him go away, Theodora.” Her voice took on the cold tone she adopted whenever her monster was lurking close to the surface, and I curled my fingers tighter around the charm she’d given me to use as an anchor.

“I will tear him limb from limb.”