Page 210 of The Monster and the Masochist

He nodded, and I grinned as I remembered the last time we went and she effortlessly emptied an entire clip directly into the target’s crotch.

“I guess you have me there.”

There was a beat of silence before Ryan sighed and pursed his lips.

Neither of us was great at talking about our feelings, but it was something we’d forced ourselves through plenty of times before.

I just hated that this time I was the one who needed the reality check.

“How are you doing?” he finally asked, and I shrugged, running a hand through my hair awkwardly.

“Embarrassed. But… better. I came by to apologize for my behavior last night.”

Ryan frowned, tonguing the side of his cheek.

“Do you want to talk about what happened to make you snap like that?”

“No,” I replied stiffly. “I just wanted to let you know it won’t happen again.”

“Theo…” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I know you’ve always been the one to protect me when we were kids, but if something’s going on, you know you can always talk to me, right?”

“I know that.”

“Do you? Theo, you were out of control last night. I’m not mad at you, but you can’t antagonize Cal like that. He’s been doing so well. He hasn’t killed anyone since Apex. I can’t have you manipulating him so you can self-sabotage or whatever the fuck it was you were trying to do.”

Shame rolled through me, and I dug my fingernails into my arms in an attempt to ground myself.

“I know. That wasn’t cool. I’m really sorry.”

“I know you are, but saying sorry isn’t enough, Theo. If you don’t get to the bottom of what made you snap like that in the first place, it could happen again.”

“I’m telling you it won’t.”

Ryan pursed his lips, giving me a serious look that made my cheeks burn with shame.

“Well, I hope you’re right.”

“I promise.”

He didn’t look convinced. “Well, if you’re not going to talk to me about it, maybe you can talk to your wife? You need to talk to someone, Theo.”

It was taking everything in me not to bristle at his tone.

“I’ve already talked to her. It’s something I’m working on… I just… don’t really want to get into the details with you,” I said, more because I wanted this conversation to end than because I actually wanted to share my personal shit with him.

He nodded. “Good. We all love you, Theo. If something’s going on with you, we’re here to help you. You’re not alone.”

My heart pinched in my chest at his words.

If he’d said that to me even a few days ago, I wouldn’t have believed him.

But now… Now it was clear that I really wasn’t alone. I had Cass in my corner, and she was more than I’d ever hoped to have for myself.

Of course, I didn’t say this out loud. I just gave Ryan a curt nod.

“Is Cal around? I want to apologize to him, too,” I said, and Ryan gave me a sad smile. “He’s in the garden with Mom. She thought some gardening would help him calm down.”

“He’s still upset?”