Page 53 of The Monster and the Masochist

“You say that now, Cassandra, but there’s a reason why coming out is a big deal for most people in the community. We might have come a long way, but there are bigots everywhere. You could be discriminated against if you ever wanted to look for a job at a new firm. You’re a public figure, too. You have over a hundred thousand followers on Instagram because of that Steele case, for Christ’s sake. It’s going to be even more challenging for you than it is for the average person. I just want to make sure you understand what you’re getting into with this, Cass. This isn’t some small thing.”

I smirked at her, preening slightly.

“How do you know how many followers I have on Instagram? You really are stalking me, aren’t you?” I teased, but for once, Theo didn’t smirk or tease me back.

“I’m serious, Cassandra. Unless you really are queer and are ready to come out to the world, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

I frowned. I was having a really hard time understanding where she was coming from with this.

It wasn’t that I didn’t think coming out for people should be a big deal. I just didn’t think it was a big deal for me.

For me, it was all very simple.

If some law firm had a problem with me because they thought I was queer, I wouldn’t want to work there anyway. Their fucking loss.

The whole ‘facing discrimination from bigots thing’… well, I was already used to that. I was a woman. I’d been discriminated against my entire life.

I was literally trying to fake marry my future sister-in-law because I was being discriminated against for being an unmarried, single woman.

I knew it wasn’t the same thing, but I wasn’t any more afraid of homophobes than I was of misogynists.

But, Theo did raise some good points. I’d never really asked myself if I was queer. I’d always just assumed I was straight because that was the status quo. I’d dated men my whole life, but I wasn’t really opposed to the idea of dating a woman… trans or cis. The opportunity just hadn’t really presented itself… Well, until now.

“Is there some sort of like, self-assessment test for queerness?” I asked, wondering if it was the same as when we’d been trying to find out if Cal was neurodivergent.

Theo barked out a laugh and shook her head.

“I mean, I’m sure there’s some sort of Buzzfeed quiz you can take or something, but I don’t know if we need to do all that.”

“So how do I know, then?”

“Well, are you attracted to women?”

I gave her a ‘duh’ face.

“Who isn’t attracted to women?” I scoffed. Women were beautiful. It was like an objective fact.

Theo chuckled and shook her head.

“Well, gay men, for one, aren’t attracted to women,” Theo replied patiently, and I blinked again.

“Okay. Yeah. Good point.”

“Straight women aren’t either, Cass,” Theo said softly, and I frowned.

I was having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that straight women really weren’t attracted to other women.

Like… not even a little bit?

But the more I thought about that, the more I realized how weird that was to think. That was the literal definition of being straight, right?

I guess I’d just thought because I’d assumed I was straight and still thought women were hot… That meant other straight women thought girls were hot too…

It hadn’t really occurred to me that just meant I probably wasn’t straight at all.

Jesus, Cass.

For someone constantly going on about how high your IQ is, you’d think this would be an easier concept for you to grasp…