Page 26 of What Beats Within the Tunnels

“Lyra, you have overcome enormous obstacles in your life, endured things no one your age should have. Fae magic thrives on emotions, and by gods you have enough to fuel yours,” he encourages, holding my gaze.

“But those emotions aren’t serving me right now. Sure, if I want an outburst to set something on fire, but not when I’m trying to gain control. Not when faced with a situation like today,” I say, swallowing another mouthful of whiskey, hoping the warmth will help dull the memories of the day.

“Damn it, Lyra, you’re missing the point. You can’t keep bottling up your emotions until they explode. If you want control, you need to embrace your emotions. Face the things you’ve been running from,” Colton insists, his tone firm.

“I am not running away from anything, Colton,” I snap back, trying to keep a lid on my temper.

“Really? When you told Nyx to leave, did you give him a chance to explain? From what Drew said, it didn’t sound like there was much communication that night,” he counters, riling me up.

“Why would you even bring that up right now? That’s none of your business,” I say, unable to hold back any longer.

“That’s your issue, Lyra. You keep everything inside. Bad things have happened to you, and you keep it all locked away. You don’t trust anyone apparently. You didn’t even trust Nyx before you found out he’s a liar.” He pauses, his eyes glowing brighter by the second. “You don’t have to trust me or even like me, but for fuck’s sake you need to start dealing with your issues or you won’t stand a chance when your birthday comes around.”

His rising voice makes me wonder why he’s getting worked up about it.

“Why are you so upset? Why do you even care?” Now my temper’s flaring.

“Is it so crazy to believe that I might care about you? That I might be a decent person who’s genuinely concerned about what happens to you?” he shoots back, his words punctuated by a heavy sigh.

“You don’t care about me. You came to help me because you owed Drew a favor. And I have no idea why you followed me here. Probably to find something to steal in Zomea,” I say, brushing my hair back from my face.

“I didn’t owe Drew a fucking favor, Lyra. I lied. I came because I wanted to help you with your Fae magic. I wanted to help you back when I gave you Callum’s journal. Believe it or not, I’m not the asshole you think I am, and I do care about what happens to you.”

“Exactly what do you want from me, Colton?” My voice escalates, threading through the tension in the room.

“I want you to confront what you’ve been running from. Unearth those fears, the ones you’ve locked deep within yourself before they consume you completely. Afterward, if you still wish, we can drain the entire decanter together.” His gaze meets mine, and I find my resolve crumbling.

“I did trust Nyx, you know. I let him in, up to a point. I shared things with him. So don’t you dare insinuate I’m incapable of expressing my feelings. It’s... I was weak for too long. Again and again, I was manipulated and exploited. The things I’ve locked away, I’ve done so out of necessity. I refuse to be weak anymore. I’m tired of crying.” My voice quivers, the dam of my patience cracking.

“Lyra,” he says gently, “emotions are not a weakness. They’re a testament to your strength.”

“Well, I certainly didn’t feel strong today when I collapsed in that maze,” I say, my voice steadying as I regain my composure.

“That’s because you keep everything bottled up until you break. You need to let it out, face it head-on. Familiarize yourself with the discomfort, confront the things that cause you pain, embrace the pain, and allow yourself to feel. And today in that maze, I don’t care what Euric said, I was damn proud of you when you got control of yourself. I mean, an image of me instead of Chepi at the end would have made it better.” He pauses, letting out a quick laugh followed by a sigh. “In the spirit of fairness, ask me anything, and I’ll answer truthfully.”

“But why?” I ask, unsure what his motives are.

“I want you to feel comfortable sharing your burdens with me. To do so, I’m prepared to do the same.” He counters, firm but gentle.

Silence hangs heavy in the room, my lips pressed firmly together as I grapple with what to say. What do I want to ask him? I need more time to sift through the chaos in my mind. However, before I can voice my thoughts, he speaks up.

“I know Nyx hurt you. I may not know the full story between you two, but I do know he’s not to be trusted. He’d stoop to any level to secure his own desires. And it’s clear that you’ve endured more than your fair share of pain. From what I glimpsed in the maze, it’s even worse than I feared.” He pauses, running a hand through his hair. “You’ve likely heard this before, but I want you to understand…you can trust me. You might not believe me now, but in time you will.”

I fidget with the laces on my bodice, letting them twine and untwine through my fingers. “I hardly know you, Colton. Lately, I hardly know myself,” I admit, almost mumbling. Can I trust Colton? Perhaps. It’s undeniable that a sense of closeness has grown between us, likely born from his unwavering and unwanted support in one of my life’s lowest points. Now, he’s claiming he didn’t come out of obligation to Drew but because he genuinely wanted to help.

“I see your struggle. I see how you’ve been projecting an image of strength to the world despite feeling shattered inside. Let me reassure you that you don’t have to put on that act with me. I don’t know whether it was Nyx’s actions that broke you or if they merely served as the final straw, but one thing I’m certain of is this. The person who shattered you can’t be the one to mend you. That healing journey, you have to embark on by yourself. However, I would like to be there by your side, helping you navigate it, if you’ll let me.”

As he speaks, something inside me swells, threatening to burst.

“Let me be your friend,” he urges, and the word reverberates in my mind — friend. That’s what he’s asking for, friendship.

“Okay,” I whisper, forcing my gaze to meet his. As I look at him, I realize it might be the first time I’m truly seeing him. He may have the physique of a warrior and undeniable good looks, but there’s potentially more to Colton than meets the eye. I find myself curious, eager to peel back his layers and learn who he truly is. Perhaps hate is too strong a word for my feelings toward him; tolerance may not cover it either.

“Why the smirk? Did I finally manage to crack your tough exterior?” He teases, lightening the mood in the room.

“I’m not sure about that.” I laugh. “But I am bored, so getting to know you doesn’t sound terrible. At least it will help pass the time.”

A smile spreads across his face, clearly amused.