Page 71 of What Beats Within the Tunnels

Deciding to heed Colton’s advice and trying to relax, I begin to fill the tub. The hot water is inviting, and I sink into it, letting it soothe away some of the day’s tension. Chepi settles by the door, always keeping an eye out.

I think I started having a minor panic attack earlier. That’s the second time this has happened now. Thankfully, Colton was able to calm me somehow through our tether. I don’t like feeling out of control of my emotions like that. I lie back and close my eyes. How is it possible that Samael’s alive? I’m kicking myself for not making sure he was dead, but my father... I can’t remember exactly what he said, but he insinuated that he believed Samael to be dead too. Did he lie, or does he have no connection to him anymore?

Why does all this chaos keep unfolding? I wanted to stay in the Dream Forest, wanted to spend my days lounging among the magical creatures there and my nights having amazing sex with Colton. I wanted to meet a fucking Pixie. Damn it all.

Frustrated, I stretch out, hardly noticing as water spills over the tub’s edge.

Anger bubbles up, thinking of Samael still out there, and the impending awakening of my dark magic. And whispers suggesting I won’t be able to handle it don’t help. Then there’s Nyx, suddenly pulling me aside earlier. The tormenting memories in the throne room were something he likely shared, and though his gesture provided momentary comfort, I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. I hope for friendship with him and harmony between him and Colton.

I don’t care what the prophecy says. I can’t imagine choosing Nyx over Colton. I’m not Z and don’t want them reliving the past through me either. Something serious would have to happen for that destiny to come true.

Once my dark magic is fully awakened, if I don’t choose to be with Nyx will I really destroy us all? Maybe his light can save me without us being together. Maybe a friendship is enough. Fuck prophecies—I don’t even have my dark magic, yet I can understand why the dark sorcerer before me was so misunderstood.

Taking a deep breath, my thoughts focus on the root of it all: Samael. The sleepless nights, the relentless fear, the burden of shame — it started with him. And if that’s where it began, it’s where it should end. Once I embrace my power, my first act will be to put an end to him, once and for all. That dark magic he craves so badly, I’m going to give it to him in the worst way imaginable.

The water in the bathtub begins to boil, and I suddenly realize that my own unchecked emotions and magic might scald me. I leap out, my skin burning to the touch. Grabbing a towel, I dry off quickly and pull a robe from the closet. As I begin to pace my bedroom, a flood of thoughts threatens to pull me into a deeper spiral. When did my thoughts turn so dark?

Fortunately, a soft voice interrupts my inner turmoil.

“Lyra?” Lili gently asks, peeking into the room.

I rush to her, wrapping my arms around her neck. The comforting scents of lavender and vanilla surround me, that smell that will forever remind me of home. “It’s so good to see you. You look well,” Lili remarks, inspecting me as I step back.

“I’ve missed you,” I confess, moving to sit on the edge of my bed. She joins me, and we spend the next couple of hours effortlessly falling into conversation, updating each other on everything that transpired during my absence. Lili has always felt like a second mother to me, and confiding in her brings a deep sense of comfort. I’m grateful she steers clear of discussing the unsettling events from our last encounter.

Lili looks thoughtful for a moment. “You know, with Samael out of the picture, the library should be open to you. Many of your father’s old journals are still there, waiting. I know you spent time with him in Zomea, but if you’re still grappling with doubts about his intentions, perhaps diving into those journals could give you clarity or peace of mind.”

I had almost forgot with everything that’s happened that Lili was reading through all of my fathers old journals, looking for answers.

“Did you ever uncover anything else noteworthy in them?” I inquire.

“No, nothing that stood out too much. But he seemed very captivated by Zomea, often going on about the source of all magic and something about unlocking gates. It was all a bit confusing,” she says, causing my eyebrows to raise in intrigue. Maybe she’s confusing gates with unlocking the bridge.

“The source of all magic? And which gates?” I press, eager for details.

Lili shrugs slightly, her expression contemplative. “I can’t be certain. He doesn’t mention discovering anything specific, but he keeps referring to his search for the source of all magic, implying he was on a quest to find it in order to unlock these so-called gates. He repeats it several times. It’s...strange, to say the least. Perhaps you could bring it up the next time you see him? After everything transpired during your last visit, I took a hiatus from the castle. Things took a turn for the worse here,” she adds, a shadow crossing her features.

“Are things better now with the council stepping in and Kaine staying here as regent?” I ask.

“Yes, Kaine has certainly brought some stability back to the Sorcerer Realm,” Lili says thoughtfully, her fingers gently pushing back strands of my hair. The touch is so reminiscent of simpler times, back when she would style my hair and offer motherly comforts.

“He’s doing his best, but he’s aware he’s not the permanent solution. Once you come of age, everyone expects you’ll take the throne. Will you?” she inquires, looking into my eyes with a mix of hope and concern.

I don’t have the heart to tell her we are going to awaken my dark magic early and I might never come back. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet. A lot has happened, and I still have time to decide,” I say instead, and it’s mostly the truth.

Lili studies my face for a moment, probably sensing there’s more beneath than what I’m letting on. With her nurturing nature, she has always had a way of reading between the lines when it came to me. “Promise me you’ll do what’s best for you, Lyra. You’ve faced so much, and all I wish for you is happiness and peace,” she says softly, her eyes filled with genuine concern and love.

“I will,” I say, letting a smile spread across my face and it’s not forced.

“I overheard some of the servants mentioning guest room preparations. Who’s the other man you came with, and what’s the situation between you and Nyx?” Lili’s voice is laced with keen interest.

I let out a soft chuckle, searching for the right words. “Well, it’s complicated. I’m not really committed to either of them. Nyx hurt me, though I’ve since forgiven him. But Colton... Lili, he radiates a genuine warmth and honesty that’s rare. And, not to mention, he’s undeniably attractive and makes me laugh. The idea of love feels so complicated right now. Sometimes I wonder if I’m not cut out for it. For now, I’m trying to enjoy the good moments and face each day as it comes.”

Lili’s eyes soften. “Lyra, your heart is vast. You’ve always spread love and understanding, whether to people or animals. No matter what you’ve been through, your heart has always remained kind. Such a heart is meant for love, and you deserve someone who can love you just as deeply.”

I’m not so sure anymore. The girl Lili once nurtured seems to be fading away. My heart has grown harder over time, but I can’t bring myself to tell her that now. Instead, I offer her a small smile.

Colton strides in without knocking. Lili, caught off guard, quickly rises from her seat. I suppress a chuckle as I introduce them. Lili, seizing the opportunity, insists on taking Chepi with her, citing a night of bonding and treats. I know she probably misses him a lot. As she makes her exit, Chepi trotting by her side, she promises to see me later. Before closing the door, she sneakily gives me a thumbs-up and winks, ensuring Colton doesn’t see.