Page 39 of The True-Blue Romance

I press my hands beside his thighs, lifting so I can sweep my mouth over the soft swell of his lips. He sighs again, like he seems to always do, and lets me have my way with his lush mouth. I kiss him until the world reorients around us, until we’re two center points in this massive lonely universe.

“It’s not weird,” I whisper against his mouth. “It’s lovely and sexy and sweet. I want your entire bed to smell like me.”

“Joey,” Lee says, sounding a little hesitant and overwhelmed.

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

I stand up and go to his dresser, finding underwear, an old shirt, and gym shorts. I drag the underwear up his thighs, and the gym shorts too. I dress myself in a pair that’s a little too large for me, but they smell like Lee, so I don’t care about the size.

Once I’ve pulled the shirt over his head, I hurriedly tug a shirt over my own head, then twine our fingers together and pull him out to the living room. The storm is softer now, the rain a gentle patter against the roof. It’s still dark out through the blinds, but the birds are chirping again, and I wonder how the goats and bunny are faring outside. Probably just fine since Lee is so purposeful with their homes.

I gently push Lee down onto the sofa, pausing for a moment to run my fingers through his messy, wet hair, then head into the kitchen to make us both some tea. I fill the electric kettle with water, letting it start to boil as I putter around for Lee’s favorite mug, and one for me, along with the peppermint tea I know he keeps hidden in the spice shelf beside the fridge. I know his house as well as my own, because at this point, wherever Lee lives is also my home.

Through the kitchen window, I can see the gentle fall of rain and the wind softly blowing through the oak trees in Lee’s backyard. My heart just sort of settles into place with this all-encompassing knowing that I’ve never felt once in my life. A rightness that this exact moment was always supposed to happen, and that we were always supposed to end up here, together. But I’ve got to show that to Lee. My life’s purpose is now not just to be a father to Savannah, but also a partner to Lee. Everything else is just trappings in life beside those two titles.

I pour the steaming hot water into the mugs and plop a tea bag into each. When I return to the living room, Lee is leaning back on the sofa, his eyes squinted in exhaustion. But they pop back open at the sight of me, and warmth flushes through my body at the love so very evident in his gaze. How did I go twenty years missing that exact look?

“Thank you,” Lee says gratefully, mouth tipped up at the corners.

I want to kiss him again, but I refrain. We need to talk first.

“You’re welcome.” I set my mug down on the coffee table, sitting close enough to Lee that our shoulders and thighs brush. He cups the mug between his hands, his thumb worrying at the slightly chipped corner of the ancient mug, and blows on the tea. “Are you okay?” I ask.

Lee hums, eyes falling closed. “I am now.”

“I don’t have to stay away from you anymore, right? I can touch you like I always have?”

Lee’s smile grows. “If you meant your love letter, yeah.”

“Of course I meant that damn letter, Lee. Jesus. I’m in love with you.”

Lee puts his tea on the coffee table, then sits back onto the couch, reaching over to tangle our fingers. His hands are so much bigger than mine, but also so much gentler. How a man his size can be so soft and yielding will always sort of rock my world.

“I hate talking about how I feel,” Lee says, eyes downcast and skittish. “You know this.”

“I’m very aware. But it’s me.”

“I know. I, ah, I still can’t really believe this is real. A part of me thinks maybe I died earlier and this is, like, my version of heaven.”

I snort because that’s typical Lee. “Then we both died and went to heaven. But I’d like to think if that happened, Savannah would be in our heaven too.”

Lee’s eyes twinkle and he smiles under his bushy beard. “You’re right. She’d definitely be in our heaven. I just… I’ve loved you for so long, I’m not so sure what to do with your love. This is going to take a lot of getting used to.”

“I want to date you.”

Lee blinks. “Well, I figured.”

I shake my head because he’s not getting it. “No. I mean I want to, like, take you out on fucking dates. I want to take you to basketball games downtown. I want to take you out to a movie on Friday night. I want to sit at the river bar and drink a beer with you, in silence or to talk about our week. I want to sleep over here, with Savannah in her bed, and I want her to know that this is real.”

“You want to tell Savannah? I mean—” Lee coughs roughly, then awkwardly rubs the back of his neck. “What if you change your mind and it doesn’t work out? We would break her little heart.”

I lean forward and tenderly cup his face in my palms. “Lee. I’m not changing my mind. I’m not going anywhere. This is fucking it. What if you change your mind?”

“Obviously that’s not happening,” Lee mumbles as if it’s the stupidest thing he’s ever heard.

“All right, then. We can wait a few weeks if you want. But I want to take you out on some dates, seriously.”