Page 71 of Last Christmas in London

I couldn’t help but laugh. His delivery was sometimes so spot on, but it didn’t mean I missed the way his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. There was a shine to them that hadn’t been there a minute ago.

‘I’m really sorry that he wasn’t your happily-ever-after.’

‘I’ll be fine.’ He shrugged, sucking his teeth noisily. ‘Besides, I was hardly going to get to spend Christmas Day with Zach, since he had to keep up the façade with his family. So no harm done, really.’

‘Oh, babe.’ The guilt of not clocking that earlier was like a kick in the stomach.

Josh waved it off with a tilt of his head. ‘It’s fine. It’ll be just like when I was younger: no Christmas, no presents, no midnight mass. Just me, a fry-up, and a lot of Christmas TV.’

His words were hollow, but his voice was light. It was a well-practised speech, and that hurt like a cut across the throat. I’d spent my entire life terrified of being alone, of waking up one day and realising I had no one left – it was why I had pushed people away, why I acted as if I was fine when I wasn’t. Because the thought of needing someone and then losing them was unbearable.

Josh, on the other hand, had spent his entire childhood already knowing what it felt like to be alone. He’d spent most of his childhood without any kind of celebration at all. Now in adulthood he had even less; being gay wasn’t exactly welcome within his family’s community.

And now, as much as he tried to fill that void with baubles and fairy lights, there was still a part of him that believed, deep down, that he didn’t deserve it.

‘Or…’ I began, an idea forming. ‘You could come back to Kent with me?’

‘What?’

‘Why not?’ I said, suddenly excited. ‘Come with me to Pim’s show on Christmas Eve, and we’ll travel down together that evening.’

‘Really? Are you serious?’

‘Of course I bloody am. I’m not leaving you alone on Christmas Day.’

‘What about…’ He trailed off, clearly thinking of Megan.

‘Leave Megan to me. Denise and Bob will love having you. They’ve got pillows, blankets, and the air mattress.’

He whimpered. ‘Maybe a hotel?’

‘Good luck finding a hotel room this close to Christmas!’ I pointed out. ‘Come on, come down to Kent and rough it with me in my teenage bedroom.’

‘Still, what about…’

‘Megan will be fine. She’s a grown-ass woman and, since she was the one that was insistent that I make the most of my last Christmas in London, this is what I want. All my loved ones, my family, in a room with me at Christmas.’

Josh swallowed, wiping his stubbly face again – probably realising how unkempt he had become in the days since discovering Zach going at it with his husband.

‘I love you, you know.’

‘Then never give me the silent treatment again.’

‘I’ll just call you when I know it’s 3 a.m. in Canada, get my own back.’

‘You’re never going to forget I woke you up, are you?’

‘Never.’ He pulled me in for a long and smothering hug. ‘One day, when you’re least expecting it, I will get my revenge, Evie Frost. Just you wait.’

Chapter 21

One down, one to go, I thought as I left Josh’s flat about five hours and two Christmas movies later.

Heading to the Savoy to get Pim ready for the afternoon ahead, mostly shopping and eating out to distract her from the show – and bitching about Michael Holland – I debated calling Megan again. But if the past week had taught me anything, it was that she wasn’t going to pick up.

My phone had been buzzing non-stop all morning – as was now the standard – with messages from Pim cancelling her morning coffee order and requesting a lie-in, emails from journalists and publicists wanting a quote about the Michael Holland dispute, all of which I replied to with a very blank ‘no comment’ response and, in addition, near-constant reminders and notifications about the week ahead.

But nothing from Megan.