Page 20 of Chalk It Up

“Can we speak outside?” Oh, it’s her turn to cut me off and if her tone is any indication, she’s livid at what I just did. Little does she know I’m ready to go toe to toe with her for whatever tiny reason and all her fervor does is spur me on more. Makes me want her more.

I nod my head with a slight smirk that seems to get even deeper under her skin. She jumps up deciding that she’s going to be the one to lead me out of this gym. I think I’d hand her a leash and enthusiastically follow her anywhere. Even if she’s mad.

“Look, I shouldn’t talk to a parent of one of my students this way,” she begins. “Especially since you’re doing so much to help the school right now, but what on earth gives you the right to do that?” Okay, I love this side of her. When she backs down in fear, some engrained reaction that I will learn the meaning behind, I hate myself. But this bold, assertive side is knee-buckling, and the euphoric pull I feel toward her is even more profound. Each side I learn about Evangeline makes me ache a little more; her selfless, giving side, her brilliant and creative teaching side, her nurturing and patient side. This girl is everything I’ll never deserve. But I’m selfish enough that I’ll make her mine anyway.

“I think being his boss gives me the right to tell him to do his job.” I retort back knowing that’s not what she’s talking about. But I’m going to make her spell it out.

“August, you know full well that’s not what you did. He was already doing his job with me. Or are you so incompetent that you couldn’t fill the other men in yourself?” She spits back. I’m grossly enraptured by the fire pouring out of her and the angry tone in which she says my name. I want to know at what other times that venomous little attitude comes out.

I fill the void between us to the point that our breath is mingling in the cool, dark October air, and she doesn’t back down this time. Good girl. “That’s the only job he’s going to be doing with you, Princess.” I assert, looking down at her pert nose and glaring eyes. Her breath hitches and I know I invariably shifted everything.

She glares back up at me and without missing a beat demands, “No. It’s not.” And turns on her heel, marching back to the gym leaving me aching in the wake of her attitude.

chapter 14

Evie

“This one makes you look edible.” Thea beams at me from my closet while I stress out on my bed over my date with Emmett tonight. I’ve never felt so conflicted about a date before. Emmett is hilarious, kind, and gorgeous. But for whatever reason, I’m all knotted up about it, and not in a good way. I can’t stop thinking about my battle of wills with August last night. The security he unknowingly gives me to be myself made me want to verbally spar to the death with him. I don’t feel any of that tightness and fire with Emmett. But I don’t know if I’m actually looking for any of that. Emmett is a good time and honestly, that’s all I need right now.

I’ve been Thea’s doll tonight while she gets me ready for my date and she’s done an incredible job. My make-up is bold and my long brown hair spills down my back in loose waves. Truthfully, I could do this all on my own, but Thea’s enthusiasm gives me the excitement I need to not call Emmett and cancel. She’s even been so sweet as to offer to stay here with Maple since I’ve kept her crated while working on the Christmas set. But even with all of Thea’s enthusiasm and support, something seems off about her tonight. Like she’s distracted.

“Earth to Evie!” Thea snaps her fingers effectively jolting me out of my spiral. “Where did you go just now?”

“Nowhere, just nervous for tonight, I guess.”

“Girl, what do you possibly have to be nervous about? It’s not like you’re marrying the man.” I know it’s meant as a joke and encouragement, but there’s an underlying tone to the sentence that feels off. “Put on the gorgeous dress,” Thea continues. “Get some free food, and see where the night takes you.”

When she puts it like that, none of that sounds half bad. She’s boldly assuming there is free food because I still have no idea what Emmett has planned for us. All that aside, I have to push August into the far, dark recesses of my mind tonight and get what I want. I’m single and everything I’m doing is completely acceptable, despite the desire in my bones for Thea’s encouragement to be about August instead of Emmett. The confidence with which Thea is staring at me starts to sink into my skin and become my own, even if something in the back of my mind is telling me that this is all wrong.

“Okay, okay, I promise to have a good time, but I don’t know about that dress. He said casual and comfy, and that,” I point at the glittery black bodycon dress, “ is neither.”

Not listening, Thea throws me probably the hottest dress I own. I toss it right back at her, laughing, and eventually land on a simple pair of jeans, a cable knit sweater, and some cute booties. I want to look like I tried a little, but truthfully, I feel like I’m getting ready to hang out with a really good friend rather than going on a date. I spin around for her and she catcalls me even though I have on the simplest of fall outfits, and we bust out into a fit of giggles. I hope every girl has a Thea in her life.

The doorbell dings and Maple bursts into a fit of tiny barks, pulling Thea and I out of our moment and causing reality to slam into me. I look at Thea and she nods her excitement and approval into me, and we head to the door. Despite her nod of approval, I can’t shake that something is off. I can’t tell if it’s because of the date, or her, or August. But it’s making me itchy inside.

I turn on Thea before opening the door. “Girl, can you go sit somewhere? Opening a door isn’t a two-person job,” I jest with her.

“Fine, fine. You do you.” She quips, picking up a barking Maple and heading to the kitchen island.

“Hey!” I greet Emmett who’s standing in my doorway with the most gorgeous bouquet of dahlias I’ve ever seen. I don’t know if it’s because they’re still in season and that’s why he got them or if he magically knows they’re my favorite, but I’m so grateful.

“Hey, Evie!” He smiles back to me while holding out the bouquet for me. “I hope these are okay.”

“They’re perfect, Emmett, thank you! Come on in and I’ll get these in a vase.” I grab them and he hangs in the entryway while I settle my flowers in their new home. Thea takes my flowers to finish tending for me and I head back toward Emmett.

“Have fun and behave, you two! Only do things I would do!” Thea shouts back to us and I turn beet red while Emmett just laughs. But the end of her sentence fell flat, and his laugh seemed half-forced. Strange.

“Yeah, that sounds like Thea.”

Emmett parks his car on the side of the road and my heart rate could rival speed racer, but I’m trying to contain it. I know there’s no way he could have known, there’s no way he did this on purpose. But in the tight space of his car I can’t work my clammy palms and blurred vision through this panic attack. It doesn’t surprise me that I’m having a similar reaction pulling up to this photography gallery as I did when I stole a glimpse at my camera. Everything is intertwined and I hate that. I look at Emmett for some reassurance, and thankfully his beaming smile helps calm me enough to see straight and paste on a fake smile.

Being the perfect gentleman he is, Emmett rounds that car and opens the door to help me out which is perfect because I’m fairly certain I wouldn’t be able to manage it alone. If I were any other girl, this date would be sweet and perfect, but coming to our town's local photography gallery, Exposure, was never high on my bucket list. Not anymore.

We walk around the gallery making perfectly good conversation. I’m somehow able to work a few words up my throat despite how distracted I am. I understand that having a reaction like this to a photo gallery is irrational, but rarely are panic attacks ever rational.

Dustin used to scream at me for them. He would tell me to get over it and stop thinking like that because the thoughts and feelings in my head weren’t real. Maybe there was slight truth to it, but for me, in those moments, it was all too real and too encompassing. And instead of having a partner there to help me work through it to the other side, I felt like I had an enemy who wanted the attacks to get worse. Like my struggle was such an inconvenience to him that he felt I needed to be punished.

We’d already talked so much while working on the Christmas set that our conversation flows so organically. Emmett is hilarious, and charming, and so kind that it hurts. He’s playful and flirty, brushing his knuckles against mine every so often while we talk, and I know it should send butterflies catapulting through my stomach, but it just doesn't. Not only because my panic attack is still lingering, but he’s simply not August. And honestly, that sucks. I should be adoring the sweetheart in front of me, but I’d rather be at a jaded, single dad’s house tutoring his daughter and peering through my lashes for little stolen glances. Those moments are what sends tingles straight up my spine.