Page 97 of 10 Things I Hate About Zombies

‘So many,’ said Nick. ‘Although I’m sure there’s a baseline number where we’d be fairly safe. Just so long as tattoos stay in vogue. Sort of like a vaccine herd-immunity thing.’

‘Well,’ said Zoey. ‘It’s always good for a couple to have a shared hobby.’

‘Babe, I am absolutely here to hunt zombies with you.’

26

Zoey

‘Nick! Zoey!’

Zoey frowned. The two women waving from outside the coworking space opposite The Smoothie Maven looked oddly familiar, although she couldn’t quite place them. One was dressed in a floral shift dress and sparkly boots, and the other was in stern corporate attire, like she was about to head down to the Portland City Hall to file a dispute. But other than their extreme divergence in fashion, they had similar features. High cheekbones, strong jawlines, aquiline noses with the faintest upturn at the end …

Oh shit. Nick’s sisters. Upon whom she’d made a truly unforgettable first impression last night.

Well, at least she’d washed up in the basin at work since then. And changed into an outfit with fewer leaves stuck to it than the average ghillie suit.

‘Cleo and Larissa,’ Zoey managed at last. She almost added, Nice to meet you, but swapped it out for ‘Good to see you again’ instead.

‘Glad you’re feeling better, Zoey,’ said Larissa coolly. ‘I can’t believe that Nick didn’t tell us about this Zombie Shuffle thing. No wonder the B&B chose this weekend for a freebie.’

‘But we’re having the best time.’ Cleo’s grin was genuine. ‘This shuffle is amazing. I’m really loving that group of zombie hunters running around, too. So great for verisimilitude. And the zombies are brilliant. Really realistic. I even have a novelty bite mark!’

She held out her hand, revealing a red welt on her finger.

‘What? He was cute,’ she said with a shrug.

Zoey grimaced. Well, this was awkward.

‘How about you, Larissa?’ she asked. Cheerful tone, Zoey. Keep up a cheerful tone.

‘I’m not into biting,’ said Larissa.

‘I think she prefers to do the biting,’ whispered Nick to Zoey, who did her best not to crack up.

‘Well then,’ said Zoey, clapping her hands. ‘While you’re here, we should get you booked in for a tattoo. ASAP. My roommate Joaquin runs a studio called Inkstigators just off Hawthorne. How about we head down there right now?’

‘I have a discount code,’ added Nick, waving Joaquin’s business cards.

‘Nice card stock,’ said Larissa, thoughtfully.

‘Can we?’ pleaded Cleo, clasping her hands together. ‘I’d never turn down a cheap tattoo!’

‘Oh yes, we know,’ said Larissa, her mouth tightening at the corners. ‘I’ll … watch.’

‘I think you should definitely get one too,’ pressed Zoey. Literally pressed – she was steering Nick’s sisters down the street towards the studio. ‘We’ll all do it. As a commemorative thing.’

‘I’ll take a photo,’ said Larissa.

‘Tattoos last longer,’ countered Zoey.

‘Not when you back up to the cloud.’

Zoey looked askance at Nick. How was one supposed to negotiate with a lawyer, anyway?

Apparently Nick was quite experienced in the matter, for he stepped in admirably.

‘You haven’t heard about the Neo Luddite movement, have you, Lar? They’re talking about smashing up data centres. Huge chatter about it on BlueSky.’