Page 17 of Never Too Late to Date

‘Any chance you could come to the flat tomorrow? I’m just scared that if I don’t sort it all out straightaway, I won’t do it.’

‘Of course you will. No more willy wobbles.’

Suzie choked on a mouthful of beer, spitting it out on the table.

‘I haven’t heard that phrase in a while. Probably not since leaving England for good!’

‘Cheeky. It’s an old un but a good un. And listen. “Be more Suzie Sessions” is our new motto. We’ll call her Suzie S for short. She’s your alter ego, like Beyonce and Sasha Fierce.’

‘Okaaay.’

‘Suzie S can do or wear anything she wants. I’ll come and force you into those leather trousers personally after mucking out the animals. As a special treat, I’ll even wash my hands in between.’

‘So kind of you.’

Vicky smoothed down her boyfriend-style jeans with a smile.

‘You’ve just reminded me about skinny jeans the first time round. Do you remember putting them on wet and then lying on the floor and using the end of a coat hanger through the tag to do the zip up?’

‘God, yes. My mum went bonkers and told me and my friends we’d all catch our deaths if we went out in damp jeans.’

‘Mine too. I had one particularly mortifying experience at school in front of the deputy head…’

‘Do tell.’

‘We were allowed to wear our own clothes in the sixth form, and I came out of the loo in my tightest new skinnies but could not do up the zip for love nor money.’

‘No coat hangers lying around?’

‘No, but the next best thing, I spotted a boy from my chemistry class, Ralph Burrows, going past.’

‘You don’t hear the name Ralph much now, do you?’

‘No, thankfully. Anyway, luckily the girls’ toilets were empty, and I called out to him and explained what I needed. I lay down on the floor, and he stood astride me, then bent over to do up the zip.’

‘I think I can see where this is going…’

‘At that precise moment, the dragon that was Mrs Grange happened to be walking past. She screamed at us, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” It was straight to the head’s office for poor innocent Ralph and me.’

‘Shame.’

‘In my opinion, it was her filthy mind that created all the trouble.’

Suzie bent over with the effort of trying not to laugh.

‘You didn’t say that to her, did you?’

‘Of course not. I was one of the good girls. We just got detention.’

‘I probably would have accused Mrs Grange of being a pervert on the spot and got expelled.’

Both women dissolved into full-blown laughter with shrieks on the side, which even had Kostas looking over in concern.

Suzie waved to let him know she was OK.

‘We’ve got to stop it! My stomach’s hurting.’

Vicky sat up straight.