Page 21 of Winter With You

‘Trump wanted something green too,’ Phoebe stated nonchalantly. ‘A whole country.’

‘It’s not right,’ Gabriella said. ‘They can’t just change things like that. Your mum’s drawing on the back cover and two poems. It’s…’ She stopped talking when she realised she had just blurted out some of the other things Cheyenne had told her had been left out of this new edition.

‘It’s business,’ Phoebe said, putting down the cup.

‘Well, yes,’ Gabriella agreed. ‘But, also no. And it’s important, Phoebe. That’s why I made sure your mum’s artwork and her poetry were at the very heart of the book. I wouldn’t have agreed to this book if it wasn’t about remembering your mum.’ Except, in reality, she had very little control over the final content. Lately, All Chapters Publishing seemed to dictate like Kim Jong Un.

‘I know,’ Phoebe said, nodding.

Gabriella studied her niece. ‘Why are you cool with this? Are you cool with this? Because I’m not cool and I would expect you to be less chill than me.’

Phoebe took a slow breath that gently inflated her chest and raised her shoulders. ‘I’m trying to see the bright side.’

‘Like… the sun’ll come out tomorrow kind of bright side?’

‘Like… the most important thing about the book should be saving people’s lives.’

The way Phoebe had said it was so matter of fact but also with such an air of finality. It made Gabriella realise, yet again, how wise beyond her years her niece was. She nodded. ‘You’re right. Absolutely.’

‘That’s what I tell myself when I get sad,’ Phoebe carried on. ‘That people who buy the book and read the book, they want to make their life the best it can be and that’s what everyone should do.’ Phoebe took a breath. ‘And no matter how much I miss Mum, she will always be with me because she existed. And once you’ve existed, you can’t un-exist. She’s part of me, she’s part of you, not just in our genetics but in our memories, in our thoughts, in the things we do. Like, I feel sometimes she’s still with us, watching from somewhere with pretty lights and she can see exactly what’s going on. Don’t you?’

Gabriella swallowed, emotion hitting hard as Phoebe’s eyes fixed on hers. She nodded. ‘Sometimes.’

‘She would also have hated the green cover and she would have been really cross that her drawing wasn’t on it. But she wouldn’t have got mad outwardly,’ Phoebe said. ‘She would have said something like “well, you can’t expect everyone to appreciate true artistry when they see it”.’

Gabriella smiled as Phoebe brought Lulu’s voice back to life. ‘She would definitely have said that.’

‘So, it’s OK,’ Phoebe said, picking up the cup again, her flaxen hair shining in the light from the heaters. ‘You shouldn’t pull out Cheyenne’s hair extensions or pull out of creating a second book. For now.’

‘For now,’ Gabriella agreed.

‘And, you’re getting a stylist,’ Phoebe reminded her.

‘For now,’ Gabriella answered. ‘Once she sees what she’s working with she will definitely quit.’

‘Do you think she might be able to help me with an outfit? For one of the events?’

Along with the talk shows and bookstores, Gabriella had a department store signing and other New York glitterati events. It wasn’t Gabriella’s scene at all, but she had had to spend most of her life having to talk the talk and walk the walk when she really desired to speak a very different language and make strides of an opposing kind.

‘I think we will make it a condition of us attending them. Cheyenne and All Chapters might have control over Zero Fucks Given but the Felixes themselves? Not for sale.’ She held her cup up towards Phoebe’s. ‘Let’s drink caramel to that.’

* * *

It was just past midnight. Cheyenne had finally taken her laptop and diary of events to her own room and Phoebe had gone to bed a few hours ago, the time difference and fatigue kicking in. Gabriella was back out on the balcony, keeping cosy by the patio heater, alone with her thoughts… and the burger that had just been delivered from Loulou’s. Breathe. Opening the wrapper, she revealed the large beef patty, topped with caramelised onion and cheddar set on top of lettuce and tomato. It looked and smelled like… freedom. She closed her eyes and took that first bite, letting everything but the moment leave her mind. And then…

I do not like the green. It’s a Shrek green not a beautiful gown worn by a forest nymph.

Gabriella smiled to herself, her sister’s voice filling her head loud and clear.

‘So, you’ve seen it then. Before me?’

I don’t think I can see things. And I don’t think I can know things before you either. Or if I even know things at all.

Gabriella nodded. ‘OK, that’s fair. I shouldn’t have asked a question.’

You can ask questions, Ella-Bella. But you know a voice in your head is going to be a little bit biased in its answers. Because if I was completely real then that would mean you were halfway to madness or halfway to being studied by a brain institute. I don’t know which is worse. Let’s not dwell.

Gabriella took another bite of the burger, seeking the quiet amid the street noises of the city.