Page 5 of Winter With You

‘Because of me,’ Phoebe said. ‘I know.’

‘No, I wasn’t saying that. At all.’

‘Grandmama said I can stay with her and Pop-Pop. If I don’t want to go to New York.’

And now Gabriella knew exactly where all this was coming from. Her mother. Backed up by her weak father who would do or say anything if it got him a quiet life and alone time at the bowls club. It was all the same quiet ‘suggestion’ techniques Monica had used in her and Lulu’s childhood. Gabriella had always fought against conforming, Lulu had always given in. Until that last day she had just given up…

Gabriella sat down on the sofa and patted the space next to her. ‘Pheebs, sit down again for a minute.’

‘So you can try to get me to go with you?’ Phoebe asked in that matter-of-fact way she often used.

‘No,’ Gabriella said. ‘I will never make you do anything you don’t want to do.’

Phoebe was looking at her now. That beautiful, yet slightly haunted expression she always had these days. It had been there a little before her mum had died but now, when time was supposed to be a healer, it seemed to have stuck with more of a sense of permanence. The young girl sat down.

‘Listen, Phoebe, if you really don’t want to come to New York – because you really don’t want to come to New York – then that’s fine,’ Gabriella said.

‘But…’

‘But, what you actually said was “I don’t know if I can go to New York”.’

‘Yes,’ Phoebe agreed.

‘So, what can I do to reassure you that New York is going to be OK?’ Gabriella asked. ‘More than OK actually. Pretty amazing and I would stake a New York steak on that.’

‘There are more people there than London,’ Phoebe said. ‘People like those manosphere boys today… and I don’t want to get behind at school when my exams are coming up next year.’

‘Have those boys bothered you before?’

Phoebe shook her head. ‘No.’

‘I don’t think they will bother you again. And if they do we can come up with a plan to tackle them and I mean actually physically tackle them. Plus, Phoebe, when have you ever been behind in school?’ Gabriella asked. ‘And you can take all your books with you and I spoke to your head of year about it, remember? She said she’s going to put all the lessons online so you don’t miss a thing, and it’s two weeks max unless David Letterman calls and⁠—’

‘And everyone is going to ask me about Mum,’ Phoebe said, fast and emotional.

Gabriella’s heart instantaneously gained weight. Yes, as much as she tried to get Phoebe out of the spotlight, when you were the daughter of the person who had inspired your aunt to write a way-of-living revolution, it was inevitable that people wanted to talk about it. But their excitement, their kindness and enthusiasm, as well-meaning as it was, did interfere with the grieving process. And it was harder still when no one knew the full story, not even Phoebe. Gabriella swallowed. Lulu was ever present and that fact was as beautiful as it was heartbreaking and Gabriella knew it was Phoebe who still felt that the most.

‘Yes,’ Gabriella said, nodding. ‘They will.’ She took hold of Phoebe’s hands. ‘But, as hard as that is, sharing your mum with others, people saying her name and readers telling us how the book has helped them through hard times, it’s a good thing, a positive thing.’

‘I guess,’ Phoebe said, sounding unconvinced.

‘And, Phoebe, if the book tour gets too much, or if anything gets too much at any point, you just tell me and you can stay at the apartment instead of doing the crazy signing and talk show stuff with me. I’ve got Cheyenne to book this great place with a dining table that turns into a pool table.’ Cheyenne was her new publicist provided by All Chapters Publishing and Gabriella wasn’t quite sure if they absolutely gelled yet, but a few weeks in New York was going to really test the dynamic. She continued. ‘So, we can eat all those amazing TikTok influencer meals you like and then play a bit of eight ball. Now, tell me that’s not the coolest thing you’ve heard.’

‘Well—’

‘And don’t forget, New York is full of books, not just the one your mum inspired. There’s the New York Public Library and there’s this place that does rare and collectibles called The Strand.’

‘You looked up bookshops?’ Phoebe asked.

‘Book stores,’ Gabriella corrected. ‘Cheyenne has been drumming the US words into me for a couple of weeks now. But, yes I did and I am going to make sure we have time to do some cool stuff together.’ She smiled and then quickly followed it up. ‘Around your studies, of course.’

Phoebe wasn’t saying anything, but she had stopped playing with her hands.

‘But, you know, if you’d really rather stay with your grandparents than your much chiller aunt in NYC I’ll accept it,’ Gabriella said. ‘I won’t understand it, but I will accept it.’

Gabriella knew why Lulu had made her Phoebe’s guardian. And it wasn’t from the formal paragraph in her sister’s will. It was because of all the discussions they’d had late at night over the years, sharing ‘contraband’ takeaway food, being honest about their thoughts and feelings about pretty much everything – why chocolate Freddos had got smaller but were more expensive, which politician would fuck up the country the least, did grass ever really stop growing… Lulu had wanted a different upbringing for Phoebe than the one they’d experienced, a freer one, an inquisitive one, a warmer, stronger, safer one. Gabriella’s first thought was always to protect her sister’s wish but, as Phoebe got older, her niece also needed the chance to begin to make her own decisions. Otherwise, Gabriella feared she would be just as guilty of control as her own mother was.

‘Grandmama said they might be getting a dog, that’s all,’ Phoebe said.