Page 72 of Winter With You

‘You tell me,’ he breathed. ‘But it’s definitely more positive, no?’ He dropped a soft kiss on her lips and she smiled.

‘And are you going to tell me about that? Because, you know, I feel my concern about activists was more plausible than it being something to do with you. But now you’ve said it was blood.’

She watched those clouds accumulate in his eyes, covering up the light that usually lay there. It would be so easy to take it back or say he didn’t need to say any more but she waited.

‘Do you really want me to?’ he asked.

She thought carefully before making her reply. ‘What will it cost you?’

His eyes stayed with hers, seemingly regrouping, until he answered. ‘Possibly everything but⁠—’

She pressed a finger to his lips, firm. ‘Then don’t tell me.’

He shook his head. ‘But, if I don’t say anything… nothing changes.’

‘I know that feeling,’ she said. ‘I’ve somehow built a whole lifestyle that’s changed other people while I stay completely still.’ She sighed. ‘Or… sometimes I feel like I’m moving backwards.’

‘So,’ he said, his hand brushing her hair back from her face. ‘Perhaps there is a way?’

‘Yeah?’ she asked, very uncertain.

‘We start small,’ he suggested.

‘That’s not how you started a couple of hours ago,’ Gabriella said, teasingly.

He smiled. ‘I’m being serious.’

‘So am I.’

‘Come on, Gabriella. I know you now. Your deflection tactics don’t work with me.’

‘No?’ she asked, her hand moving under the covers, skimming his abdomen, until she found his already-hard-again penis.

He took her hand in his. ‘Not yet.’

‘Why not?’ she breathed. ‘You feel ready.’

He moved her hand away and upwards, splicing their fingers together and bringing them out of the duvet. He kissed her knuckles and then he took a breath before beginning. ‘The blood bucket… it was definitely meant for me.’

‘O-K?’

‘And, the person I went to see… I made sure I was clear and… it won’t be happening again.’

‘OK.’

‘So, that’s my beginning,’ he told her. ‘Now it’s your turn. If you want to.’

She nodded but it was with no confidence whatsoever in this moment. She had already shared her body with him and there had been emotion there too – more than she had shared with anyone. Was she even capable of opening up further than that?

‘I can’t… talk about my sister.’ She swallowed. ‘Ever. Even when Phoebe wants to. I just can’t. Like I should.’ She took a breath. ‘I talk about her art and her dance and I dance around it all with my writing and the questions readers ask, but I don’t ever really say anything.’

‘OK,’ Luca answered, squeezing her hand a bit tighter.

‘It’s because—’ She stopped herself from saying anything else. She couldn’t tell him.

‘It’s OK,’ Luca said, moving his body closer to hers. ‘This is a safe space, Gabriella. I promise.’

She shook her head and tried to detach their hands.