Page 96 of Winter With You

Her last sentence seemed to echo around the empty auditorium, spiralling through the air, spinning and twisting around the festive decorations, touching every beautiful and ornate part of this space like they were atoms of a ballerina who had lost her way…

As Gabriella thought about this, thought about herself, she realised that her mother had made no response. She focussed back on the screen, half thinking that perhaps her mother would have ended the call. But, no, she was still there. She appeared to be sitting now, on the chaise longue in the hallway no one sat on unless they were putting on their shoes. She should say something else, really make her mother realise that they needed to take responsibility for things they hadn’t done and should have. But then…

‘I… miss her,’ Monica said, her tone scratchy, emotional. ‘Some days it feels like the house is still full of her essence and then, other times, it’s like she was never here at all.’

Gabriella swallowed. ‘Well, someone told me that once you’ve existed you can’t un-exist. And that Lulu is always going to be part of the world because we carry her in our memories and in our hearts.’

‘Is that something from your book?’ Monica asked, eyes definitely filled with tears.

‘No,’ Gabriella said firmly. ‘It was from Phoebe.’

Monica nodded, slowly at first and then with more commitment. ‘That girl is the strongest one of all.’

‘Agreed,’ Gabriella said. ‘And sometimes, when she talks about things she loves, she reminds me of Lulu.’

‘But,’ Monica began. ‘That isn’t where she gets her strength from. Because we all know that Lulu was never strong. And, as for that father of hers…’

A sound distracted Gabriella and she looked away from the phone screen momentarily. People were arriving on the stage – Phoebe’s tour – and Gabriella saw her niece in the line. She was next to another girl about her age and they looked like they were chatting.

‘I have to go,’ Gabriella said, looking back to her mum’s face on the screen. ‘I just wanted you to know what I’m going to do so you could be ready if any reporters show up on your doorstep. Perhaps give Milo the heads up.’

‘Gabriella,’ Monica said.

‘Yes?’

‘Phoebe’s strength.’

‘Yes?’

‘She gets that from you.’

A knot slid up into Gabriella’s throat and she tried her hardest to swallow it away. If she spoke right now there would be no strength in her voice whatsoever. Instead she turned the camera around, focussed the lens on Phoebe on the stage, being shown how things worked behind the scenes of a performance.

‘Here’s Phoebe, on a stage in New York,’ Gabriella said. ‘I mean, it’s not Broadway but, Lulu would’ve loved it.’

Tears were starting to track down her cheeks before she even really realised it.

‘Yes,’ Monica answered. ‘Yes, she would.’

57

LOULOU, 8TH AVENUE

Gabriella sipped her Americano and looked out of the window onto the street from the table she was sitting at. There were snowflakes in the air tonight, floating slowly, melting into invisibility the second they touched anything – a coated shoulder, the roof of a taxi, Cheyenne’s hair…

Gabriella watched her publicist come in, shaking the weather out of her hair and shrugging herself out of her coat as she entered the eatery. It was time to start facing the truth and that began with fixing what she had done with Zero Fucks Given.

‘What’s happened?’ Cheyenne asked, rushing to the table like she rushed through her whole life. ‘I’ve been trying to call you all day. I have a million things to go through. There’s another three bookstores all wanting to squeeze in a signing with you in the time you have left and you’ve been asked to cut the ribbon on a new Christmas train that’s going to take tourists around the city.’

‘Sit down, Cheyenne. Take a breath.’

‘Did you hear what I said, Gabriella?’

‘No, honestly, I heard noise and stress.’

‘That’s because it seems you’re not in tune with opportunity and the need to deliver at the right place and the right time for prime benefit. I’m not sure you’ve been on board with that since we arrived.’

‘Are you going to sit down?’ Gabriella asked, calmly. ‘Because I’ve ordered two burgers. And that espresso martini there is for you.’