Page 118 of The Jealous Girl

‘It’s perfect,’ I replied, smiling up at him. It was the most he’d said since we’d arrived.

I stood back as Ryan laid the blanket on the grass, straightening the corners that lifted in the breeze.

‘There,’ he said, sitting down on it.

I handed him the cooler bag as I crouched to join him.

A flash of movement passed close to my face, accompanied by a sharp buzz.

I leapt back up to my feet.

‘Now what?’ Ryan snapped.

I flinched, his tone stinging more sharply than the wasp I’d been trying to avoid.

‘It’s a wasp,’ I said, dodging to the right as it flew at me again.

‘Just keep still.’ His voice was quieter now, but the impatience was still there, thin and taut.

My body tensed as I fought to comply with his instruction and remained frozen in place.

Ryan turned away, unpacking the picnic as though nothing had happened.

Finally, the wasp drifted away and I sank back onto the blanket.

‘Thanks,’ I murmured as Ryan handed me a sandwich.

He used to laugh when I did that. He called it my wasp dance. He’d mimic me flailing and twirling, teasing me until we were both breathless with laughter.

But now his expression was tense and strained.

Had he ever really been okay with it?

With me?

Maybe he’d only tolerated the parts of me that didn’t fit his world. The clumsy, nervous parts. The ones that didn’t look calm or capable, especially outdoors.

Maybe he’d told himself it was just part of the package.

But tolerating someone wasn’t the same as accepting them, was it?

And shouldn’t that have been the foundation?

I stared at the sandwich in my hand, my appetite gone.

I’d read somewhere that behaviour was a language. The thought lingered, nagging at me no matter how much I tried to ignore it.

Ryan always made promises.

But his actions…

‘I’m leaving now,’ Ryan called from the hall.

I slid my breakfast bowl into the sink and hurried out of the kitchen.

His arms opened as I reached him and I stepped into his embrace without hesitation.

I breathed him in, his coconut shower gel familiar and comforting. I lingered for a moment longer than usual.