Page 144 of The Jealous Girl

‘I’m sorry I left the way I did yesterday.’ He dragged a hand across his face. ‘I shouldn’t have done that.’

‘You were angry,’ I said flatly. I understood that.

‘With Ryan, yes.’

I shook my head. ‘With both of us.’

‘No,’ Ben said firmly, as he waded into the surf. ‘I wasn’t angry at you.’

‘Your trainers are getting wet,’ I pointed out.

‘I don’t care,’ Ben said, without flinching. ‘I was annoyed with Ryan for everything that happened two years ago – the way they got rid of me, the fear that caused me. But I was frustrated with him for you too.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you don’t seem to be able to be angry at him for yourself.’

I rolled my eyes and padded out of the water.

‘I’m serious, Kirsty,’ Ben insisted as he followed me. ‘It’s like you don’t hear the way he speaks to you.’

‘And how’s that?’ I asked, pivoting back to face him.

‘The same way Janine speaks to you.’

I froze as his words hit. Puffing out a breath, I lowered myself to the sand, my legs suddenly feeling shaky.

‘Tell me something,’ Ben said, as he sat beside me. ‘Does Ryan make you happy? Not just occasionally, or potentially,’ he stipulated. ‘But really happy?’

I opened my mouth, but the answer didn’t come as easily as I’d expected. ‘I… I’m not sure,’ I admitted reluctantly. ‘I mean, he does make me happy. But…’ I licked my lips. ‘He also makes me feel off balance. Like I don’t know where I stand.’

Ben didn’t react. Didn’t move.

‘I’m a lot,’ I added quickly. ‘I know I am. I can’t blame him for getting frustrated and overwhelmed.’

‘Are you different to when he first met you?’ Ben asked curiously.

‘Well, no. I’ve always been a lot.’

‘So that’s not new to him?’

I shook my head. ‘I guess not.’

‘And, for the record, I don’t think you’re a lot. You’ve been dealing with a lot. But that’s not the same thing.’

I shook my head, lowering my gaze. ‘No, it’s Ryan that’s had it tough. His family. The stables. Me.’

‘You’re healing from what your own family put you through.’

I snorted. ‘That’s ridiculous.’ Yet, even as I said it, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was an element of truth to it.

‘From what I’ve seen, it’s unrelenting. The criticism, the dismissals…’

‘They’re just looking out for me. Protecting me. It’s what family does.’

‘Or maybe they are holding you back. Keeping you in your place. The place they think you should be.’

‘They wouldn’t do that,’ I said, but my voice wavered.