Page 57 of The Jealous Girl

Heat crept into my cheeks. ‘I can learn,’ I added sincerely.

‘We don’t have time to train you right now,’ she replied. ‘Ryan’s got enough to deal with already without you slowing him down with endless questions.’

‘Mum, Kirsty’s really clever,’ Ryan said. ‘I’m sure she’d pick things up quickly.’

Denise looked unconvinced.

‘I came to help,’ I said, lifting my chin. Ryan believed in me. Maybe I should too. ‘Let me at least try.’

I let out a deep breath, trying to let go of the past, as Ryan pulled the handbrake on. The front door opened and his parents emerged immediately. Clearly, they’d been waiting for us.

For Ryan, I corrected myself, as their expressions clouded over when they saw me step out of the car.

My presence here was the last thing any of us wanted.

The familiar smell of manure hit me instantly, thick in the warm air. I remembered it. The way it clung to my clothes and hair no matter how many times I tried to wash it away.

I lingered beside the car, waiting for Ryan to join me, my hand instantly reaching for his. I wasn’t sure whose benefit it was for. His, or mine. I might have come here to support him. But I wasn’t looking forward to being the unwelcome outsider. Again.

Ryan dropped my hand as we reached his parents. He was grinning at them as though he was happy to be here.

‘We’re so glad you made it,’ Denise said, beaming at him, before casting a pointed glance at me, as though she’d feared I would prevent him from coming.

Martin clapped Ryan on the back. ‘How was the holiday, son? Looks like the rest did you good.’

Ryan nodded enthusiastically. ‘It was great, thanks, Dad. Just what I needed.’ He turned back to me, almost as an afterthought. ‘You remember Kirsty, don’t you?’

‘Of course,’ Martin said as he turned to me. ‘It’s good to see you again, Kirsty.’ He sounded sincere. At least one of them did.

‘You too, Mr Blackwater,’ I returned, matching his tone.

Perhaps we were all just getting better at pretending.

‘Tea?’ Denise asked, already turning back towards the house without waiting for an answer.

We followed her inside, me bringing up the rear, as usual.

The kitchen looked the same. Everything had its place here. Except me.

I lowered myself into a chair at the kitchen table, beside Ryan.

‘How are the stables?’ he asked.

‘Good,’ Martin replied. ‘But busy.’

Ryan flinched. I knew what that comment had done to him. The guilt it would have brought with it. The stables were busy and Ryan hadn’t been here to help.

Denise set cups of tea down in front of us.

‘I could do with your opinion on one of the mares,’ Martin said casually. ‘If you have time?’

‘Yeah, I’ll come now,’ Ryan said, and they both stood.

Ryan hesitated, casting an uncertain look at me, as though suddenly remembering I was here. ‘I’ll be a couple of minutes,’ he said.

I nodded, mustering a smile as though it was fine. I was fine.

I swallowed. Even if it was far from the truth. Denise barely maintained the appearance of civility when there were people around. But alone…