Page 31 of Tame Our Wild

I’m tied to this place in ways that I’ll never break.

I don’t want to.

Paisley never forgets to tell me that her accident wasn’t my fault. That I shouldn’t be internally punishing myself, even though our parents blame me for ruining her life. Maybe that’s why I stay and can’t leave, because she’s here with me, and as long as I have her, I’ll be okay.

Glancing at the watch on my wrist, my heart thunders. “Shit.” I needed to leave ten minutes ago to pick up Harlow at the airport.

Swinging my leg over the seat of the four-wheeler, the hum of the engine fills the air. I take off toward the small barn, letting my eyes linger on the old practice riding area my dad built for Paisley and me. I pull onto the dirt road, picking up speed. Rounding the corner of the barn, I spot my sister rocking back and forth on one of the four white rocking chairs on the porch. Her chair, because when we were kids, we decided to carve our names into the back. The vibrant orange and pink sunrise spilling over the mountains illuminates her silhouette.

When I near the house, she grins and lifts her coffee cup to her lips, a ribbon of steam floating in front of her face. Her hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail, her face having no trace of makeup. She always looks wide awake. At peace despite the circumstances.

I’m already running late as is. I’ll have to put away the four-wheeler after I pick up Harlow from the airport, so I park it in front of the porch, turn off the ignition, and pocket the keys.

My sister hums contentedly. “I’ll never get tired of these sunrises.”

I follow her line of sight, looking out over the driveway that cuts between the two pastures that lead to the gate with our Payne family brand hanging above the road. The sun is now fully floating over the distant tip of the Appalachian Mountains, warming my skin.

My eyes stay trained on the view. “Me too.” When I turn back around, Paisley regards me with a look I know all too well.

She grins, lowering her coffee cup. She tucks a strand of long wavy brown hair behind her ear. Her hair is the same shade as mine. Sometimes, it’s still weird to see the similarities between us. “A lot is going on today.”

My boots slap against the steps on my way up the porch. “As much as I love you being here, you know you can’t stick around, right?”

She scoffs. “As entertaining as that would be to witness how quickly you and Harlow fall back into your usual bickering, you know I made other arrangements. I’m going to stay with Mom and Dad for a while.”

I lean against one of the porch pillars, crossing my arms. “How are they?”

“You know you could easily visit them instead of always asking me that question? You should really think about coming to see them this year for Christmas. It hasn’t been all of us in a long time.”

I blow out a condescending laugh. “They still blame me for your accident, and it hasn’t been the same since. You know that. It would bring up too much of the past.”

She frowns, my chest pulling uncomfortably at the sadness that lingers there. I have barely seen my parents since I bought the property when I was twenty-five. They are still harboring resentment, and I don’t blame them, because I’m the reason Paisley is sitting here, unable to do the things she loves.

Besides a few awkward and depressing family Christmases and Thanksgivings over the years, I’ve kept my distance. Not that our parents mind. I’m a walking reminder of what happened, and that our family holidays will never be the same.

“It’s been three years since you’ve talked to them, Colson.”

The excuse flows out easily. “I’ll be busy with the ranch and coaching Harlow anyway. You know it’s hard to travel during the season.”

Paisley gives me a stern glance. “They live two hours away.”

And yet they’ve always felt thousands of miles away.

I hike my thumb over my shoulder, itching to avoid this conversation like I always do. “I’m late. I need to go pick up Harlow.”

For a moment, I think she’ll fight me on it. To my surprise, her eyes soften, and she nods. “Tell me you’ll at least think about Christmas.”

My eyes fall to my wrist to inspect the leather band with the sunflower necklace I gave her for our sixteenth birthday braided through, so I can always wear it while I compete. I always go back to those memories of playing hide-and-seek in the pasture, using them for cover as kids. Sunflowers have always been her favorite.

I glance up at the bare spot above her ear where the doctors made the incision to do her surgery. Her hair may be long, but it’s never grown back. It haunts me in the same way I know it haunts her.

She catches me staring and gives me a stern look, but there’s a hint of a smile there. “Stop that.”

“Stop what?” I swallow.

Her deep, aqua eyes search mine. “No matter what Mom and Dad think, what you think, my accident wasn’t your fault. Yes, you let me go out there and ride, but only because I told you I was fine. I know no matter what I say, you will still blame yourself, but you need to find a way to forgive yourself someday.”

“Paisley, you know I can’t.”