Page 88 of Tame Our Wild

That he’s kind and knows how to handle my stubbornness as well as I know how to handle his.

That he’s a great coach and working with him has felt freeing and less pressuring with our rivalry in the rearview mirror, even though my goals are still within reach.

That Colson is starting to make me feel more alive than this sport does.

I don’t realize I’m smiling until Mel waves a hand, bringing me back to the present. “Earth to Harlow. Are you with me?” When I glance up, my eyes must give away everything because she slaps a hand over her mouth with a gasp. “Oh my God, you like him!”

My brows draw together, but I’m not even convincing myself when I say, “No!”

Her hands are covering her face now, a fit of giggles shaking her chest. I grit my teeth.

“No?” she parrots, laughing. “Well, what is it then?”

“I—” I swallow. “I don’t know.”

It’s not entirely a lie, because I can’t ignore my attraction to him—the way my heart craves to be in his presence. I used to seek him out at events because of anxiety and annoyance, but now it’s more than that. It’s because I want him to be there. I want to be there supporting him as much as he’s started to support me.

I’m not sure it can be defined as like anymore—not when the thought of leaving Tennessee, leaving him, after this is all over, is starting to carve a hole in my chest.

I’m starting to fall for Colson Payne, and I don’t think there will be anything to catch me the moment I finally accept it.

THIRTY-SEVEN | HARLOW

It’s been a few days since the event ended in Reno, keeping me in that twenty-first position. If I ride as well as I have been at this last event next weekend, I’m one step closer to my dream and will be one of the top riders competing for that buckle.

When I close my eyes, I can picture that final moment, but whereas it used to be just me under the spotlight, soaking in the flare of celebratory fire piercing the air and cheers of the crowd, another face has started to appear in that dream through the dark—it’s clear and holds my attention more than the goal I’ve been chasing. Colson is there; his features pulled into a proud expression that tears at my soul in the best way more than the win does.

The most confusing part of it all is the jumbled mess of unfamiliar feelings that are starting to take hold and grow into something I can’t keep up with or understand.

All I’ve ever wanted is to prove myself, and yet, the last few events, I’ve gone into them feeling content with my progress—like if I was tossed off, it wouldn’t be the end of everything because though the ride is eight seconds, the journey isn’t. When I look back, I can recognize the growth I’ve so clearly made after coming back from an injury that should’ve kept me away from this sport.

I always thought winning was everything, but I can’t help but feel like each day that passes, that isn’t true anymore.

Coming back is a win in itself.

The old Harlow would be cursing at me for taking a few days off to rent a car and explore Lake Tahoe, but I wanted to catch up with Mel, and it’s a destination that’s been on my bucket list.

Plus, I’ve needed the break. Colson said it would be good for me to take a few days to spend with Mel, but I didn’t miss the strain in his tone. It made me wonder if he needed the reset, too. Watching him leave the hotel with me behind was more painful than it should’ve been. I watched him walk away, feeling like something strange was tugging at the tether that’s been connecting us since we stripped down our walls, or more accurately, our clothes.

So much has happened since I started living on Colson’s ranch that I knew Mel deserved an explanation after finding us clinging to each other as if we never were rivals to begin with.

I’ve spilled the entire last few months onto her lap, and she has listened, only making expressions here and there to let me know what she’s thinking.

She licks at her cone, ingesting the huckleberry ice cream as well as everything I’ve told her since I left Arizona. There may be a chilly early-spring mountain breeze whipping through the trees, but it didn’t stop us from wanting to try the quaint little log cabin-style shop I found with a view of the lake.

Despite the cold air, the sun beats down on us, sparkling across the bright blue waters. I’ve never considered myself a beach girl. If I had to choose to spend my life at one or the other, I would choose lake life—like the one Colson took me out on. It was so peaceful, but I knew it brought him tranquility in a way I don’t understand. That place is special to him. Though he gave me a piece of what it means to him, I want to hold all of them. I want to understand him in ways I know he’s holding back from me. There’s more to why he hated watching me ride, and I can’t help but want to know why.

Maybe it’s selfish, but I feel like I deserve to—considering the hurtful things he said have stuck in my crevices like gum wedged in the bottom of your shoe. It wouldn’t erase that he said them, but maybe it will help me see a part of him that he keeps so well hidden at the bottom of those turquoise pools I’ve started to get lost in. And if I’m going to drown, I want to acquaint myself with his messiest parts.

Mel tips her head back, the light reflecting off her sunglasses as she inhales deeply and exhales. “This was such a good idea, but I’m surprised you aren’t itching to get back to Tennessee, being this close to the finals.”

I suppress a laugh. “Yeah, I thought the only two things I’d be doing were training and sleeping.”

She lowers her head from soaking in the sunshine to level with me. “Not sure how much sleeping would’ve gone on.”

I shake my head. She’s not wrong.

She hums. “Weird. It’s like I told you this would happen.”