Page 64 of Their Tracked Obsession

My insides twisted into knots, tethered together in clumps of worry and bound in fear. I thought I might choke on the tension built up in my throat, suffocating me and making it hard to breathe.

“I can’t breathe…” I hyperventilated and touched my fingers to my neck.

I needed air, to get out of this goddamn tent I’d been stuck in for what felt like hours, but I couldn’t. I had made this ultimatum and made this decision before I’d walk down the aisle.

I had to calm the fuck down.

“Breathe, Liv, it will be okay.” Raven fanned me with her hands.

I take one deep breath in. Exhale. Inhale some more air and out through the mouth.

The world became clearer, and the anxiety eased to a calm. Fear barely clenched my windpipe. The death grip of disaster sat on the sidelines and waited to strike again.

There. Much better. Everything would be all right.

I hadn’t gone off the deep end and ruined the best day of my life. My love life was fine. Sin and Saint would make it to our wedding, and we’d live in happiness together.

No.

I couldn’t be certain. I hadn’t spoken to either of my lovers since yesterday after I had blown our engagement to shit. The promises they had vowed meant a lot to them.

I couldn’t forget their broken faces. The plea in their eyes not to shatter our commitment to each other, but a misunderstanding tainted our fate. Their constant need to stalk me, watch me, and haunt me no matter where I went. Which was fine. Believe me. Until they crossed those lines and showed their mistrust.

“Did I make the biggest mistake of my life?” I asked, half to myself and half to Raven, who went back to fussing with my hair. She had some of my hair up, and the other part was down. Something about the updo she tried to do seemed off.

“Of course you didn’t…” Raven placed a bobby-pin between her teeth and added some hair to the growing bun. “Trust should mean everything in a marriage. Communication comes next, but—”

“I know… I know…” I cut in, releasing a frustrated groan. “But I think I let Sin and Saint down. You should’ve seen their faces.”

I stood up and paced inside the tent. Back and forth I marched the same path as I desperately tried to wrap my head around the past twenty-four hours. My mind reeled in confusion, lost in the memories I wished I could erase. I wanted to take back the bitter words spoken and hold my fiancés again.

I missed Sin and Saint more than my need for air. Everything ached without them. Their broken hearts mirrored mine, and I needed them to show up.

“They are grown men, Liv…” Raven came to me and extended her hand. “Sin and Saint let you down.”

I brushed Raven’s hand away and kept up the anxious stride. I had to keep moving. There had to be something I could do instead of sitting in this stupid tent awaiting my fate.

I did the only thing I knew to do. I tossed my head back and screamed. My vocal cords cried out until my lungs burned for oxygen, but I didn’t quit there. I went into a full tantrum and yanked out every fastener Raven had put in.

My chest heaved. Red blotches made an ugly pattern on my face, and tears streamed down my cheeks as I stared at my reflection. The mirror held a grave picture. An image of a broken woman, lost without my phantoms and the men of my dreams.

I lived the greatest nightmare on my wedding day. A terror I had created. Not Sin or Saint.

This was all my fault.

What had I done?

“Look at me…” I whispered with bloodshot eyes as I turned to Raven. “I’m as hopeless as I ever was without them.”

“No. You know what I see?” Raven placed her hands on my shoulders and turned me back to stare into the mirror. “Strength. Passion. Devotion. Those men need to prove they are worthy of your love.”

Raven was right. The truth was all I had given to Sin and Saint. I wanted them to show me they trusted me and had faith in my instincts. I didn’t want to marry them and constantly look over my shoulder for the rest of my life. Sure. Sometimes their watchful eyes were okay, but not every damn day.

I wanted to be in control. To call the shots and decide which path to take. I wanted to be free, not chained down and incomplete. I was through being restricted, and I wanted my phantoms, the ghosts who had brought me back to life, to worship me. Proudly. I wanted them to be honored to walk beside the woman I had become because of them and their undying love.

“But will they come?” I whispered as Raven handed me the train of my gown and my fingers fidgeted with the material.

The dress was a perfect mermaid cut. White. Non-traditional, with black lace embroidery throughout the sheer fabric base of the gown. The beautiful piece was everything I had imagined I’d wear to marry Sin and Saint.