Page 116 of Downforce

“Perhaps. Or maybe he got bored waiting for you to answer my question.”

Her eyebrows narrow.

“Sunday? What are your plans after the race?”

She takes a beat. “Post-race press, of course. Probably an early dinner with family, and then heading back home.”

I ignore the ache that seizes me at the mention of dinner with her family. The pang of loneliness that assaults me whenever she mentions a family dinner or event, leaving off an invitation for me to attend, is becoming more and more common.

As soon as that feeling arises, I smother it like one would put out a spreading fire by tossing a blanket over it.

“Or you could stay.”

“Stay where?”

“Here.”

Her eyes zoom in on mine, widening. “Here?”

I nod. “London. Big city in the South of England. Also, the capital and one of the world’s economi⁠—”

“Yeah, I’m familiar,” she deadpans. “Why would …” Faltering, she shifts Lucky from one hip to the other.

His head lolls until it comes to rest against her shoulder. By now his eyes are fully closed and he sighs again.

I don’t even realize how quiet we both become watching the tiny miracle in her arms. Until recently, I hadn’t thought much about having kids of my own. I’ve always known I wanted them at some point, but it seemed so far off in the future that I didn’t pay it much thought.

For reasons I won’t attempt to put into words right now, it doesn’t seem like something so far off in the future any longer.

“I was afraid to touch Alyssia when I found out she was pregnant with Travis’ baby.”

Her words don’t make sense to me. Not even after the second time I run them through my mind. My confusion must show on my face.

“My fear wasn’t based in logic,” she hums. “None of the obsessions are. But I kept thinking what if I hurt her or the baby somehow? My germ obsessions came back, and I thought what if I didn’t wash my hands thoroughly enough and I contaminate her and the baby? What if they get sick because of me?”

Her eyes meet mine, an imploring look in them.

The book I was reading before Edwin came in earlier helped to explain how intrusive and compulsive these thoughts can be. It’s helping me better understand what must go on inside of Annalise’s mind when an obsession starts, though I’ll never know exactly.

There’s only one other person in my life whose pain I wished to take away from them. Annalise is the second.

“Your OCD,” I say as a statement rather than a question.

A quick dip of her head.

“I made extra appointments with my therapist in the States and considered upping my medications.” She smiles down at Lucky. “I didn’t want the happenings in my head stealing any more than it’s already taken from me.”

When Annalise looks up at me, her mouth drops open, as if she’s shared more than intended.

“I—” We both go erect when a male voice fills the hallway, seemingly right outside of the door. “Travis,” she says more to herself than to me.

Lucky startles awake and begins whining.

“I have to go.” Her voice is little more than a whisper.

My chest tightens almost to the point of agony.

I stop her before she can get through the door with my hand on her arm. She looks back at me with alarm in her eyes. I know what she’s thinking. Her brother, possibly only a few feet away from us, shouldn’t see her with me like this.