Page 103 of Fractured Empire

“It was nice of your dad to stay and watch the kids for us,” I say, putting my fork down and resisting the urge to pat the small bump in my stomach from being overly stuffed. If he suggests ordering dessert, I might just keel over. Our conversation about his mother just recently ended, and I think it’s only right that I try to open up about something just as personal and meaningful. “You know, Leo asked me about my dad the other day.”

“Did he?” Leon asks, stopping his wine glass from reaching his lips. “Are you okay? Do you want me to ask him not to bring that topic up again?”

“No, no,” I hurry to reply, shaking my head. “He was just curious, he didn’t mean any harm. It just reminded me that you’ve never asked. And I mean, I’ve never brought it up but we just talked about your mother, and⁠—”

“You don’t need to force yourself to talk about something you’re uncomfortable with just because I shared something with you. This isn’t tit for tat.” His words are meant to be reassuring, and they are, but I still want to try and talk about this. I’ve been holding in my memories and my pain where my father is concerned since the day he died.

I never talked to my mom after it happened, no matter how much she tried to get me to share my feelings. The guilt was too thick then, and it didn’t matter that she knew exactly what happened. I didn’t care that she didn’t place blame in my direction even once, that she never even hinted at being disappointed in me. I was disappointed in myself, and the blame I placed on my shoulders was heavy enough to keep me weighed down.

“I want to,” I admit with a small rasp. “I don’t know what you know about him, or how he died.”

He takes the pause in my speech as a cue to answer a question unasked. “I know Jakub Lukáč was considered an honorable man. I know that he was a relatively high ranking officer of the Slovakian mafia in New York City, and I know that he was killed by traitors.”

My throat goes tight and I swallow, trying to clear the tension there. “He was,” I agree, blinking to keep any tears from being able to well up. “He was a good man, and a good father. He taught me how to ride a bike, and how to tie my shoes…and he was killed by traitors. Traitors I let into our house.”

Leon’s face becomes blurry as my eyes water against my will. “Katya…”

“It’s fine,” I sniff, dabbing underneath my eyes. “I want to get through this.”

He watches as I steady myself, patiently waiting for me to continue.

“Jozef Baláž was my father’s best friend. I called him Uncle Jozef and everything. He would always come over to drink with my dad, and sometimes for dinner with the whole family too. So, I didn’t think anything of it when he came to our door that night.”

I can still remember it like it was yesterday. He was smiling, giving away absolutely no signs of malice. He told me I was growing fast, patted my head, and led himself further into the house with one of his men behind him. I’d never seen him before, at least, I didn’t think I had. But that wasn’t unusual either.

“My mom wasn’t home, and my dad was working in his office, so I had to unlock the door to let Jozef in. I’d done it before, and he wasn’t a stranger so it wasn’t like I could have expected…” Shaking my head, I let that sentence die out and get back on track. “I didn’t know that they had a fight earlier that day, and that Uncle Jozef was caught doing something bad. He went into my father’s office with an associate he brought with him. I figured he was just a new guy or a guard who needed to report to my dad.”

Quickly reaching for my water, I take a shaky sip to wet my throat and exhale.

“They didn’t bother to try and hide what they did. They shot my father ten times, and ran out of my house while I was still screaming. I didn’t understand anything. Why it was happening, why they let me see them if they were going to commit such a horrible crime, none of it made any sense. All I knew was that my father was murdered, and I let the killers inside. I smiled at them, wanting to be polite and represent my family well. And they just…”

“Katya, baby, you have to know⁠—”

“I know,” I interrupt, knowing exactly what he’s going to say. Tipping my head back an inch to keep my tears from falling, I dab underneath them with a clean cloth napkin. “I…Part of why I wanted to bring this up is I think that becoming a mom, even if the boys aren’t ready for me to fully take on that role, has helped me heal a part of myself. It wasn’t instantaneous, and I don’t think I even noticed it at first. But the guilt I used to feel for my part in my father’s death was unbearable for years. I would get sick just thinking about it, and did my best to avoid it.”

“And now?”

“And now, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I could never blame Bastian or Leo if they were in my place. Whether they were ten years old like me, six, or sixteen, it wouldn’t even cross my mind to think they’re at fault for something so uncontrollable. I let a man who I trusted, who I thought my father trusted, into my house and nothing more. I think it’s time that I give that ten-year-old girl inside me the freedom to realize that too.”

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you they could have just broken in?” Leon asks, seeming almost rigid. “They tried knocking first because it’s less of a hassle to get the drop on him without the sound of a break-in to alert him. But with or without you there, they would have gotten into that house, they would have outnumbered him, and they would have killed him, Katya. You played no role in traitors being traitors.”

Hearing the certainty in his voice makes me choke up even more.

“I don’t even know if my mom was aware that I felt responsible,” I admit in a whisper. “I refused to talk about it with her, and I still haven’t.” But maybe I will now. “I felt like I could tell you and that you’d hear me, you know? That you’d understand somehow. I mean, my mom knew exactly what happened and I don’t think she ever assumed I felt guilty. But you were about to tell me it wasn’t my fault before I even finished the story. Talking to you feels natural, I suppose. I feel like we get each other.”

Leon reaches across the table to take my hand in his. “I think we understand each other too.”

“I never thought about them breaking in, you know? But you’re right, they could have gotten inside with or without me.” Squeezing his hand, I try to let the tension in my shoulders drop. “I think my dad would be devastated to know that his daughter blamed herself for his death for thirteen years. But I also think he’d be happy to see me learning for myself that children can’t be at fault for the sins of adults. I think he’d be happy that I’m becoming a mom.”

“You have no idea how it affects me to hear you call yourself their mother,” Leon declares, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. “Seeing how much you care for them is a relief like no other, Katya. You’ve made our family whole.”

His words make my chest swell with warmth.

Clearing his throat, he looks down at the table and then back up at me. “And since we’re having such a deep conversation, I feel like I should tell you something.”

My stomach drops, his serious tone hitting me with worry immediately.

“Is something wrong?”