Page 109 of Fractured Empire

My heart skips around in my chest, shocked into a wonky rhythm as Leo rushes toward the door, trying to leave before I can even process what’s just happened.

He called me Mommy for the first time.

Tears well up in my eyes and I croak, “I love you too, buddy.”

He giggles happily, just barely catching my reply as he flies down the hallway to find his dad. Leon is probably waiting for him at the stairs since his son is so giddy that he might try to run down them and get hurt. He’s so close by, but I don’t know if he heard what just happened and my God, I can’t wait to gush about it to him later.

Clearing my throat quietly, I try to shake out of my delighted shock and address something more pressing. Leon may or may not have overheard the moment, but Bastian definitely did. He looks frozen in surprise, looking up at me with those wide and wondrous eyes of his. There’s no fear to be found, but curiosity that I have to talk to him about. We haven’t talked about the possibility of them calling me their mother yet, after all, not wanting to feel like they’re being pressured into it.

We hoped it would happen naturally, and it seems that it has for Leo.

Putting one of my hands on top of his, I lower my voice so I don’t startle him. “Bastian?”

He blinks. “Yes?”

“Are you okay, sweet boy?”

He hesitates and I try to remain calm.

“I just want to let you know that what just happened is perfectly okay with me and your daddy, okay? Leo didn’t do anything wrong, if you’re worried about that? I know it may seem strange, or scary, but it’s very normal and…it made me very happy to hear.”

“It did?” He bites his lip, looking contemplative.

“Of course it did,” I reply without pause. “I love you both very much. You’re my favorite people in the whole wide world, you know? I love spending every single day with the two of you, and I wouldn’t want to live any other way.”

Bastian looks like he might cry, and I don’t know whether they’re good tears or bad ones.

“I don’t want you to think you have to call me Mommy just because Leo seems to feel comfortable doing it,” I assure him, trying to sound as sincere as possible. I fully mean it, too. I’d love to be that person for him, but he doesn’t need to be ready for it just because I am. He lost his mother and he can take as much time as he needs to handle that loss. “You can call me Katya for as long as you like, and it will never upset me, I promise.”

“Okay,” he whispers, his voice so small and vulnerable.

“I know I’m not the mama who gave birth to you, and I’d never want you to think that you have to erase her memory because I’m here now, okay? I’d love to give you the love that I know she wishes she could be here to give you, but you take as much time as you need, hmm?”

Bastian breathes out shakily, and I’m preparing to try and reassure him more when he speaks up.

“If I want to call you Mommy too, does that make me bad?” His bottom lip wobbles, and his eyes go shiny.

“Oh, honey, no,” I rush out, wrapping him up in a warm hug. “You could never be bad. You’re such a good, kind, loving boy, Bastian. Why would you think that, my sweet boy?”

“My mama died,” he breathes out shakily. “Won’t she be mad if I get a new one?”

“Not at all,” I tell him firmly. “Did you know that your mama loved you so much that she asked your daddy to marry someone new when she couldn’t be here anymore? She wanted to make sure that you’d always have someone to love you alongside your daddy. That’s how I came to be here, you know? In a way, your mama is the reason that I get to have you in my life. She would want you to call me whatever feels best for you.”

“Really?” He swallows and breathes hard.

“Really,” I promise, holding up my pinky to him. He takes it slowly, wrapping his tiny finger around mine softly. “I swear, little love. Your mama would want you to be happy and she would never be upset that you’re loved by me. I think she’d be more upset if I wasn’t here to look after her boys, and to make them my boys too. You and your brother are so special to me, sweetheart.”

“I love you too,” Bastian whispers, resting his head on my shoulder as he goes in for another hug. “I loved Mama but she got shaky and sick and she didn’t want to see me so much. You won’t get sick, will you?”

“Oh, sweetheart.” I sniff back the wave of emotions his confession sends over me. “I won’t get sick, but I’m sure your mama wanted to see you so much. Sometimes when adults don’t feel good, they don’t want kids to see them while they’re feeling bad, you know? She didn’t want you to have to see her while she got sick but that doesn’t mean she didn’t miss you like crazy. I just know it.”

Bastian nods into my arm, like he understands what I’m trying to explain. “I’m glad she isn’t sick anymore, even though we can’t see her now. Daddy says she isn’t in pain anymore.”

“That’s right,” I confirm with a nod he can’t see. “Her pain is all gone, and we can remember her together whenever you want, okay? You can tell me all about her anytime you want to think about her. I’ll always be here to listen to you, my boy. You can never make me sad or mad or upset with you, you understand? I can handle anything you need to say, you just come tell me and we can talk about it.”

“Okay.” He sniffles, making no move to pull away.

I don’t know how long we sit together, wrapped in a comforting hug, but it’s several minutes at least. He doesn’t try to squirm away or awkwardly excuse himself; if anything, he holds me tighter and breathes through the emotions that threatened to make him cry moments before. He’s so brave, and I hope he knows that crying is always okay too. Especially at his small age, he shouldn’t feel the need to repress his tears if they need to fall.