Page 73 of Fractured Empire

He blinks, unmoving.

“I also remember asking you if you found me attractive. I remember asking you if you wanted other children, and I remember your answers. Our marriage is real. We’re strangers, still getting to know each other and learning how this life is going to go. But our marriage is real. If you say I shouldn’t feel sorry for kissing you, then you shouldn’t feel sorry for watching me.”

“It’s not the same,” he attempts to argue and I put a quick stop to it.

“You’re not watching me undress, or crossing a line that would change things between us,” I remind him with a firm, encouraging tone. “I would watch you too, if I was in your shoes. It’s natural to be curious. I’m curious about you too, you know?”

His eyes flick down and suddenly his hands are gone, removed from my face and pulling from my space. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Of course you don’t.” I swallow. “I don’t know what I’m doing either, but I think we’re doing a pretty good job so far. The kids seem happy, don’t they? They’re adjusting well, and I’m enjoying being here. We can take our time. We’re going to be married for the rest of our lives and we’ll have plenty of time to mess up and forgive one another, okay? But this isn’t something I need to forgive you for.”

“I don’t want to mess up anything with you,” he confesses, shaking his head. “I want to be a good husband, Katya. I have nightmares about being a bad one. There’s nothing I would hate more. Being a good example for the boys, and using the example my father set, it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, really.”

Feeling brave, I walk right into him, setting my head on his chest and wrapping my arms around his back. If there were ever a moment to hug someone without request, it would be this one.

“You can want that and more, Leon. I want things too, and in time we’ll learn how to give each other everything.”

He doesn’t return the hug right away, taking a moment before lifting his arms and surrounding me with them. He’s so warm and smells like rich, deep, and sweet cologne. The kind of manly scent that makes your mouth water a little bit when it fills your nose.

“You were right to want someone who can focus on your kids before all else,” I mumble into his chest, feeling frightened by the words coming out of my mouth. “We’re going to keep our priorities straight, and care for them. But if we come to care for one another in the process, we can’t fault ourselves for that, can we?”

The soft press of firm lips touches the top of my head and I shiver. “I think I’d have to be crazy not to care for you, Katya.”

The feeling is very much mutual.

Chapter Thirty

Katya

One Week Later

Leon and I are quick to get into a rhythm after our talk. With him taking more time away from work, it’s been easy for us to spend a lot of time with the boys. I’d say the last seven days have been nothing short of domestic bliss, at least on the parental front. Bastian and Leo have taken to calling me their best friend, which I much prefer over the title of nanny, and I’m thankful that we never suggested it to them.

I’m sure it will be awhile before they feel drawn to calling me their mother, if they ever wish to. But I won’t deny that I’ve already started hoping for that day to come. It’s impossible not to love them, especially when you spend every single day with them. They’re such sweet and happy little humans, and if someone told me they hung the moon, I’d undoubtedly believe them.

We’ve spent most of our days doing an assortment of fun activities together, as well as dipping our toes back into lessons and education for them. And of course, eating. I don’t think mealtimes have ever been more important in my life. Back home, we were hard pressed to have a full family meal together more than a couple times a week with everyone’s busy schedules. We found different ways to squeeze in time with one another.

Here, though, I have breakfast, lunch, and dinner daily with Bastian and Leo, and nearly all of them with Leon as well. He still needs to attend to important work things, of course. But he manages to squeeze everything he needs to do into a few hours during the day, and some while the kids are long past down for bed.

I think we all know that he won’t be able to finesse his schedule to be so open forever, but his effort to make time for the family hasn’t gone unnoticed. The kids have been thrilled to see him every day, and their happiness is positively infectious. My mom has been hearing all about it in every phone call and every text I’ve sent her. She adores getting photos the most, much to Leo’s delight. The little blondie loves to take silly pictures and have me send them to his family members, Jade and Rayna being his usual suspects.

It’s been close to perfect, really.

The only thing that’s been missing is adult time. Leon and I haven’t had much space to be alone since our conversation in the kitchen. We haven’t been awkward with one another, quite the opposite, actually. But the intensity that was once seemingly brewing between us has been calmed. I’m not sure whether that’s been intentional or not, but in the time that we’ve spent together without the kids, our kiss hasn’t come up again.

The attraction is still there, at least it is on my end. But we’ve tried to commit ourselves and our focus to the kids, rather than on whatever connection is bubbling under the surface between us. I’m just glad that things haven’t become strained or strange when we interact. We still share smiles, and laughs, and we get along easily. Sometimes it’s like we can read each other’s minds with the way we bounce off one another.

Yawning, I pull myself up and off the couch, finished with my silly reflection. The boys will be awake from their nap in around ten minutes now, and I shouldn’t let myself relax for much longer unless I want to doze off myself. Leon picked a much too cozy sofa for my private living room, and I’ve taken to laying there and reading or playing on my phone while the kids sleep soundlessly in their room down the hall.

Leon’s routine apparently includes working out for the entire time the kids nap each day, and he disappears into the basement like clockwork. He’s told me that I’m free to use the pool or the gym whenever I like, but joining him has never once been a consideration for me. Working out is the last thing I ever want to do spontaneously or not. And swimming is nice, but if I smell like the pool when the boys wake up, they’ll only want me to get back in so they can join me.

Chuckling to myself while thinking of our first time swimming together, I shake my head and start to walk toward the basement stairs. I need to check in with Leon before the kids get up and make sure our plans haven’t changed. We’re going out to dinner as a family for the first time tonight, but that isn’t for a few hours. Leon suggested we let the boys pick a game or movie to watch and a snack to eat beforehand, but he also mentioned that we could do something to get their energy out if they woke up full of it again.

Sometimes after naps, I’d swear it’s like Leo chugged an energy drink instead of being asleep for an hour.

The sound of heavy rock music being muffled by the thick glass door of the gym meets my ears and I smile, thinking it’s almost cute. Men love doing this no matter their typical music taste, I’ve found. Ares typically listens to smooth, classic jazz, but when he’s in the gym, the loudest, most intense music fills the house like some kind of ritual.

I’m about to push open the door when the sight of slick, glistening skin stops me in my tracks.