Page 80 of Slow Burn

“You good to go, Beck?” one of the rodeo staff asks, breaking me out of my racing thoughts.

I need to get a fucking grip if I have any chance of winning today. I nod, and lead Willow into the chute. I lift my foot and stick it in the stirrup, hauling myself up onto Willow.

Nod. Break. Settle. Swing. Dally. Step down. Trip. Tie.

I run through my pre-race ritual of walking through the run in my head, visualizing each step before I take it, and for a second it works. For a second, I feel in control again, the way I’ll need to be when Willow and I are out in the ring.

The rider ahead of me finishes his run, and heads back in my direction. He’s a young guy, probably hasn’t even hit twenty-five yet. He rides past me, a hot-shot smirk on his face.

“Have fun out there, old man,” he says, tipping his hat in a way that makes me want to rip it off his head as he leads his horse out of the ring.

He says it as if having fun is the most I can accomplish. My molars grind together and I crack my neck in both directions, trying to shake it off. But he’s rankled me.

Nod. Break. Settle. Swing. Dally. Step down. Trip. Tie.

Nod. Break. Settle. Swing. Dally. Step down. Trip. Tie.

I repeat to myself, desperation rising into sheer panic. My gaze darts to the ring, the dust settling from the last run. The pick up men get into position, readying themselves to direct the steer where it needs to go once I’ve roped and released him, and the rodeo worker standing in the chute next to me waits for my signal.

Then, my eyes land on her.

Lyla.

The timing of bringing that calf over to Wild Sage couldn’t have been more convenient. Having Austin stay behind to do the feedings was the only way I was able to get Lyla away, to have some time with her, and enjoy whatever this relationship is until we have to face reality.

Until I have to come clean.

It’s going to be harder to explain it to him now that Lyla and I have crossed more lines than either of us ever intended. Austin doesn’t need to know how far it’s gone, it’s not something I would ever share, but the guilt still weighs on me.

I can’t control myself around her. When she kneeled on the ground in front of me and took my cock in her mouth, there wasn’t much I could do. She has me wrapped around her finger, and I’d set the world on fire if she asked me to.

Now she’s jumping up and down in the stands, waving at me with that gorgeous, bright smile overtaking her face, her perfect tits bouncing under her t-shirt. Unlike while we were practicing, she doesn’t have to hold back because Austin isn’t standing next to her. She doesn’t have to pretend like this is just a job to her.

Lyla’s work on the ranch technically ended when she gave me her official recommendations. That’s how this deal was supposed to work. Yet here she is, still invested, still finding reasons to stay, forcing me to do yoga in the yard with her every morning to rehab my shoulder, choosing to come with me to a rodeo to cheer me on.

And for the woman who showed up at the rodeo wearing a t-shirt that said vegans taste better, and scoffed at all the work we do at Wild Sage, the look on her face now tells me she might actually be enjoying herself.

Maybe she’s started seeing all of this in a different light. I don’t need her to love it the way I do, I just want her to understand it, understand me.

The sight of her makes my cock twitch, but it also makes my insides warm.

Last time I was in this position, Lyla’s presence in my periphery was the reason I lost. But having her here is different this time. Lyla is less of a distraction, and more of a motivator. Her being here spurs me on, in the same way her being in my life has made me want to do better, to be better for her.

Lyla’s mere proximity to me makes my mind go quiet.

She’s the love of my life, and I’m gonna fuckin’ win for her today.

Her voice echoes in my mind. Inhale peace and calm, exhale worry. So, seconds before my run, I’m using the mantra she uses when she wants to ground herself.

I take a cleansing breath, and I nod to the chute crew.

The steer is released, running out into the ring, and Willow is in hot pursuit. Dust flies around us, only the sound of hooves thundering in the dirt as the crowd watches with rapt anticipation. Inside, my mind is nothing but stillness, a quiet understanding washing over me that even if I lose today, Lyla and I will get through anything.

Inhale… Willow comes up on the steer, getting herself into position as I lift my roping arm. I’m pleasantly surprised at how it feels, no pain, no sharp twinge. It feels good.

Exhale… I let the rope slide out of my hand and through the air, and it catches around the steer, stopping it in its tracks. The rope becomes taught as the steer pulls against it, fighting to get free.

Time moves faster now, as I quickly move through the steps I could do in my sleep.