Page 63 of Realm of the Wicked

We were damned, the fox and the hare, the lion and the antelope. I couldn’t find it in me to feel sorry for the feeling of her lips on mine, and the quiet gasps she offered up to me, her hands feeling along the planes of my body with a desperate curiosity.

Maybe falling itself was damnation all along. And maybe consecration was accepting you never really had a choice.

22

DAMIEN

Five Years Ago

I shouldn’t have come. I knew that. Anyone on the outside looking in could’ve told me that. Agatha, who had long figured out what was going on – if not the who or why or how – was all too quick to tell me what a terrible idea it was.

‘You’re pushing your luck, D.’ She clucked her tongue sympathetically, pouring me another cup of tea.

‘Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I’ve weighed up every possible outcome, and none of them are good?’

All she could offer was an empathetic gaze. ‘Is she worth losing it all?’

But how did I explain to her that Stella was all? She was everything. She’d never remember me, I’d made sure of it, and yet here I was.

Watching outside her house like a fucking creep. I. Couldn’t. Stop. I was captivated by her every move.

The way she brought her groceries inside in one trip, as if doing it in multiple loads was a failure. The foods she bought, some unknown and some comforting. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her when she brushed her hair, sitting cross-legged on her bed – a rare moment of calm and peace.

Didn’t she know she deserved that every day? I would give it to her, if I could.

Maybe if I weren’t me, and she wasn’t her. Maybe then I could take care of her how she deserved and not just watch her through a window.

Stella sat on the couch now, legs tucked up underneath her. Grace rested her head on her shoulder, while Stella brushed the golden locks away from her face with the gentlest of touches.

I was a haunted man. A man possessed. Because how was I supposed to go all of eternity knowing what her touch felt like, and the way her eyes looked when she asked me to kiss her, and still expect to be whole?

I’d been a devil for too long, alive for far longer and yet I’d never felt this level of torture before. Could one touch satisfy me for a millennium? Knowing how greedy and selfish I could be when it came to her, it was unlikely.

I stuffed my hands into the pocket of my coat. Agatha was right. This wasn’t fair. But not to me. It wasn’t fair to Stella. One day, I was going to snap and demand too much and I wasn’t sure I could live with myself after that. I could live with keeping her at a distance. Not like I really lived in the first place. When I truly thought about it, Stella was the first thing to make me feel alive in decades.

I watched her and Grace for another minute. Stella laughed at something on the television, a cartoon of some sort. Joy lit up her face, making her eyes shine. Had she any idea how truly breathtaking she was?

Fuck. I needed to leave before I never left.

One more minute. I could give myself one more minute, imagining I was in there and not on the outside. Of course, I could drag this moment out into a year. I could. But I wouldn’t.

Stella turned her head away from the television, locking eyes with me for a brief moment. It was like the sun turned its glow directly on me, warming me from the inside out. I turned away as quickly as I could before I did something I regretted.

I turned away from the perfect scene in front of me, intending to head back to the path where I could disappear into the Fringe without being noticed.

A man bumped into my shoulder, too busy yapping into a cell phone to notice where he was going. ‘Hey, watch it!’ he snapped.

I rolled my eyes, ready to snap back, but stopped when I realized it was Stella’s landlord. I knew she didn’t think too highly of him. What had she called him the last time he came to the door? A sleazeball.

Better to leave well enough alone.

‘It’s just those damn girls in 2C.’

I cocked my head. 2C was Stella’s apartment. Wanting to hear more, I did my best to look painfully interested in the newspaper rack at the end of the sidewalk. What was wrong with Stella and Grace? They seemed like good renters, as far as humans went.

‘I know. I know. Rent has skyrocketed here. I could be making way more money if they’d just fucking move out.’

On the other end of the phone, his buddy said something that made him roar with laughter. ‘Now, you know I can’t do anything that obvious. If I want them out, I’ll have to be reasonable about it. They’re the last of the rent-protected tenants. After they’re gone— Vegas, baby!’