Page 74 of Realm of the Wicked

But it was going to end too quickly, and I needed to do something. I pushed at his shoulders, until he realized what I wanted, rolling us over until I sat up, straddling him. From this angle, he was even deeper. Bigger.

I blinked, steadying myself on his chest, my hips moving mindlessly, seeking their own release as I struggled to find control. Damien blinked up from underneath me, spellbound by my every move.

‘Yes,’ he murmured. ‘Show me how you take control. You’ve always had it.’

He was the first person to ever give me back control of my life, as I stumbled along, lost, desperately trying to find my footing again. He gave it to me, in every way he could, and every way he shouldn’t.

‘Oh. Oh. Oh!’ He pressed his hands into my hips, helping me along, never once taking his eyes off me. I began fucking myself in earnest, chasing my release, circling my hips, lifting myself up and driving myself back down on his cock. With every passing moment, I gained confidence in my movements, desperate for us both to find release.

I could feel my orgasm building, and Damien wasn’t far behind, driving up into me every time I sank down. My eyes fluttered closed as I began to lose control, and I wanted us to fall over that edge together. He was losing his rhythm, close to breaking.

Pleasure rocked through me, filling every cell in my body as my orgasm tore through me.

‘Good girl,’ Damien murmured as I moaned, rocking harder into me. ‘Good fucking girl.’

Then he stilled, calling my name as he found his own release before I’d even stopped trembling.

He gripped me so hard, I was sure I’d have bruises, the pleasure rolling over me in waves. This was what this life was all about.

This moment, right here.

I leaned forward, and he reached for me, pressing me down to him as we laid on the soft blanket in grass, breathing slowly. I rested my hand on his cheek with the lightest touch, and he laid his hand on top of it, keeping me there.

The stars had never seemed so close. I reached out with one hand, half-expecting to be able to grab one, store it in a jar on my shelf. A memory of tonight of the gentle, reverent way he touched me.

‘Stella.’

I rolled onto my side, resting my hand on his face. He leaned into my touch, his eyes fluttering closed for a brief moment.

‘What are we going to do?’ I murmured.

‘I’ll figure it out. Trust me.’ Damien looked so sure, I wanted to believe him.

I must have been lost in thought, because his finger and thumb were on my chin, dragging my attention back to him.

‘What are you thinking?’ he whispered.

I offered a small smile in return. ‘You really should learn to read minds.’

‘Believe me, I’ve never wished I could as badly as I have since you came home.’

Home. Huh. The word left a gentle warmth in my chest.

‘I just…’ I glanced up at the stars again, easier than staring into his eyes when confessing truths. ‘I need something to believe in, Damien. Anything. Because you keep telling me to believe, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to believe in any more.’ I tossed my hands out to the stars, my chest heaving. I was certain I was going to split into two pieces if the words sticking to my chest weren’t said. ‘This life has chewed me up and spat me out, and the whole time, people told me to keep smiling. To keep looking on the bright side. And I have, I really have. But I’m tired. I’m tired of having to keep it all together when every time I glue myself back together, another piece gets broken off. I’m more glue than person at this point. So if you know what I’m supposed to believe in, if you have a real answer for me, please, I’m all ears.’

I sucked in a deep breath, and rested my head back on the grass. When I looked to the side, Damien was watching me with his dark eyes, picking me apart.

The truth bubbled to the tip of my tongue before I could stop it. ‘I don’t know if there’s anything left of me worth saving.’ Resting my elbows on my knees, I buried my face into my hands, the tears I had been keeping in finally escaping.

Damien pulled my hands away from my face. Grabbing my chin between his fingers, he dragged my face up to look into his eyes. ‘You believe in yourself, Stella. You’ve gotten yourself this far, haven’t you? You’ve survived things that people far weaker than you wouldn’t have even attempted. But you’re still here, and Grace is still here, and this world is a far better place with you in it. I’m living proof of that. Life threw everything it had at you, and yet you still show up every day with a smile on this pretty face of yours.’ He wiped away the silent tears streaming down my face as I watched him, captivated, unsure where he had been keeping all of this. ‘And when you’re tired, and don’t think you can believe in yourself for a moment longer, then you believe in me. I’ll carry you when you’re tired. I’ll pick you up when you fall. I’ll protect you with every bone in my body. I just ask that you don’t lose hope in the world you’ve put so much effort into.’

‘I think…’ I trailed off, trying to find the words I was looking for. ‘I think that’s what upsets me the most. My life was supposed to be over when I got here, and instead, I feel like it’s only just started, and now it’s being ripped away from me right as I’m finding my footing.’

‘I’m pretty sure that goes for anyone, whether you’re in Hell or not.’ He smiled, lines creasing around his eyes. ‘Right when you think you have a handle on things, everything changes.’

He stared into my eyes, and I found words, impossible words, on the tip of my tongue. They were right there. I just had to tell him. He’d understand them all, even if they weren’t the right ones.

But I didn’t speak them aloud. I didn’t want to. Because for the first time in my life, I wanted something to be absolutely perfect.