Page 132 of The Truth of Us

"You could have taken it directly to my father."

"Yes."

"You brought it to me."

I nodded.

"It's your family."

Another silence.

"And?"

I smiled sadly. "I've spent my whole life trying to control outcomes. Protect myself‌." I looked at the file clutched in his hands. "It didn't work out particularly well." His mouth twitched, and I took a deep breath, adding, "The truth belongs to you."

Alexander studied me for what felt like forever. Then quietly asked, "When did you know?"

I frowned, unsure of exactly what he was asking. "Know what?"

"That you loved her."

I looked towards the city and thought about the answer, really thought about it. When I spoke, it was the absolute truth: “The night I fucked it all up.”

Alexander raised a brow in question, and I huffed out a self-deprecating laugh, adding, “I knew she was different. I knew I felt differently about her… But the night it hit me, the night I panicked and chose self-preservation over honesty, bravery and… her. I…”

Alexander moved across my office and finally sat in the chair in front of my desk. I followed and let out a deep breath when I leaned back in my chair.

“It was our holiday party. I was feeling…” I picked through the words floating in my head to describe how it felt that Harper wasn’t with me, how it set me off, why she went to New York instead of staying with me. “Put off… upset that Harper didn’t go with me, that she went to New York and wouldn’t tell me why.”

Alexander made a sound, and my eyes shot up to his. He looked away for a moment, looking back out the windows of my office before saying, “No matter where Harper has been in the world, no matter what she is doing… there are certain dates. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries...”

He didn’t finish, but I knew exactly what he was telling me. She left Chicago to go home to be with her father for something that was hard for them both to get through on their own, and I…

I swallowed down the shame and let the truth out, "A little boy."

Alexander slowly brought his eyes back to me, cocking his head to the side in question.

I smiled to myself, thinking about the moment.

"I was watching one of my brothers watch his wife, and when I looked to see what had that look on his face… she was holding a little boy in her arms, and suddenly it wasn’t Lucy… It was Harper, looking so lovingly at a boy in her arms with bright blue eyes and blonde hair… she was looking at him with what I always wanted to see from my parents… It took my breath away; it terrified me." I paused, trying to calm my racing heart. “I wanted that. I wanted her to look at our little boy like that… I wanted her to look at me like that, and I realized that in little ways she had been.”

I looked down at my hands in my lap; my voice had become quieter. More honest than I probably had ever been before. “I let other people get in my head; I spiralled; I got scared; I let the panic and deep-seated wounds guide me. Now… I can't imagine a future worth having that she isn't in."

Alexander turned back toward the windows. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded older. "Do you know how I knew I loved Sophie?"

I shook my head.

"For years I imagined becoming successful." A faint smile crossed his face. "That is how I was raised, the only way my future could possibly go. The biggest office, the biggest company, the biggest house, getting further in politics than my father ever had…” He chuckled. "Then one day… I met her, and everything changed‌. I realized none of those futures mattered if she wasn't laughing somewhere inside them."

His eyes remained on the city. "I stopped imagining success, and I started imagining joy. Her joy."

Neither of us moved nor spoke. We both stared out at the Chicago skyline. Finally, Alexander picked up the file from his lap, stood and walked toward the door. His hand settled on the handle. Without looking back, he said quietly, "Harper has forgiven people before."

Hope bloomed so suddenly it almost hurt.

Then he continued. "But she's never forgotten."

The hope settled into something steadier.