Page 153 of Winter Gods & Serpents

“I know. Try, and if you can’t—" he stopped himself.

“Come to you?”

“It’s just another wrong reason for you to come to me. Don’t think it anything else, just come.”

If it only were that easy. “Good night.” I halted, and turned around to him. “Why won’t you ever say good night to me?”

“Because all nights are good.”

“Ah.” I blinked in realisation. “Your blessing.”

He nodded. “Our blessing.”

I gave him a nod and made to enter, stopping only when he said, “Good night, Snow.”

It was just that easy to make me forget who he was and what I was, and want him again. Foolishly and inconsiderably want him.

Chapter 28

War and Truths

Kilian

Nia and Snow had not been speaking for days now. She had left the castle borders with only Caiden and Mal, who had described her to be in a chirpy mood despite all that had happened. She was not backing down to apologize to Nia, nor she was giving her the time to explain or even apologize herself.

Why should I not see him, Kilian? To me it was simply because. To her it would be absolute madness had I uttered those three words. It hurts me.

Elias courted her several times during his stay in the castle, not hiding any affection towards each other. Attempts to avoid them together were futile. She was making sure everyone saw what she was doing. I tried to shake the image of the two away from torturing me any further.

Nia sat across the dining table lost of all expression, growing in weariness. I had not known she had been able to feel Snow’s emotions before the night when she ran madly towards the gardens. Nia had clutched her chest, foreign panic overtaking her shadows. She had not been able to breath, till I’d made the connection and broken in the sleeping princess’s room, waking her from the nightmare that Nia accidentally dove inside. Her sight too painful to bear that it had taken me a while to muster courage and actually look at her. After she awoke and ran, Nia held me back and told me what had happened to her every night, that she had had these nightmares since her family died. Along with Mal, we both agreed to help part the souls that clung to her toward heavens where they should be resting; the souls Snow held chained to herself. We expected her to react badly but I’d never thought she would turn her anger on Nia. It felt my fault, perhaps it even was.

“She will never forgive me you know,” Nia said, lacing her gloved hands together. She would, beyond everything Snow cared enough to feel upset and angry by her actions. I knew she cared for Nia, more than she cared for herself. She and Caiden were often her first worries, the first she’d peek a glance after passing danger, the only she cared to know if they’d ate, slept, or rested, the only she turned to see if they were still by her and safe, the first she’d look for when she was happy.

“I was desperate. seeing her like that not only that night but for years, it's hard. Difficult times asked for difficult measures, I knew she was not going to like what I suggested, and I did expect her reaction, but I thought she was going to back down for the sake of her loved ones, for the sake of me.”

“Give her time. Let her think of her wrongs and your intentions. She is not a child, and plenty smart.”

She shook her head. “It won't help, she won't allow it to help. It’s a reminder to not let her forget what her aim is. What she said that day, she is not one to lie, she will oblige to it, wrath, vengeance and all.” Her voice fading with every word, not wanting to believe what she’d said herself.

We stood in silence and understanding for a while, separating our own thoughts till Caiden appeared behind her. His shadows displeased and an angry dark. Hues of distrust, disappointment and worry not only painting his emotion but his features too.

“Leave us, Nia,” he ordered coldly blinking slow, his hooded stare all deadly.

She stood facing him, pushing her chin up in challenge. “No, I won’t. You have known her longer than I have, you knew how much she suffered, yet that day when you could have helped you backed away.”

“You are right, I did back away, for years I have chased her around that mad forest, I have cradled her during nights when I thought she was going to scream her lungs away, in days when I thought I had lost her to her own mind. When she wouldn’t speak, eat, and even when she had forgotten to breath, Nia. But then she was a child, now she is a woman, a warrior. I do not dictate, command, or make decisions for her because I respect her. I would rather still be there to nurse and cradle her then not be there at all. I would suggest, rather than what you do, decide for, to find her before you lose that chance. Now leave us,” he ordered. His word biting but dressed in so much truth. He felt every word he said, he had immense love for her, a different strong love, one that would shake mountains. Nia was her warmth, but Caiden was her shield, not only of danger but anything that aimed to hurt her the slightest, sometimes even truth, however, never from herself. They both seem to forget that Snow was her own evil, her own hurt. She felt alive around him because he was distracting in an irreverent way, similar to her. But how many rains would it take for a shallow burial to return to surface?

Nia touched by his words, obeyed, and left us alone.

“I will keep this short and understandable enough for a barbarian to understand,” he spat, full of spite. “You might have gotten in Nia’s mind, but it will take you to go through mine to get to Snow. I assure you it will not be a pleasant journey. If you try to do even slightly more than the duty you were given by your wretched king, I will send them a piece of you week by week wrapped with your insides. Was I clear enough?”

“I will do whatever she will allow me to do, you spoke such grand words of not deciding for her, yet here you are doing the same.”

“It was a suggestion, merely a suggestion. The rest, however, was a threat, one that I think should be embedded deep in your soft head.” he spat, pointing a finger to his head before turning to leave.

* * *

All I could think was her, all I could dream was her and we never dreamed. Adriatians never dreamed yet I dreamed of her. Her smile, her piercing gold gaze, her words, her terrible life, her scars, her strength, her revenge, her—her was all my head though, refusing to let me concentrate on anything else. My head was still tight from tension—unbearable tension as I pulled myself out of the cold bath. I finally had peace and quiet, yet I wanted the noise. Only her noise.