Page 182 of Winter Gods & Serpents

“That was quick.”

“I’m a woman of many talents, Mal.”

He suppressed a smile. “Yes—yes I have noted. Not many get to have Kilian riled up, frustrated and restless. Not many get to have him at all, he is a very reserved sort of bastard.”

I bit back my question, once and then twice before turning round and asking, “Who is May?”

His smile faltered and he blinked wide in confusion for a moment. “She is…was a friend of ours.”

A frown begun narrowing my brows. “Was? No longer is?”

“She is dead.”

* * *

Everyone had gathered by the stables ready as I made my entrance to mount Memphis. Steeds huffed white mist from their large nostrils and shook in agitation ready for journey. Nia amongst my soldiers just as I had instructed, the privacy of Arynth would give me some opportunity to attempt my chance with her.

I glanced shortly over at Kilian and looked away as he was about to turn to me. Don’t come over. Don’t come over because I will say something stupid.

“What is with the rested, the shy, and why on heavens have you never had your hair up before? You’re stunning,” he said by way of greeting.

I bit my lip at the compliment and slowly turned to him. “I slept, not shy, perhaps…befuddled, and I could not be bothered to comb it. Also, thank you,” I tried to offer nonchalantly, and he slowly begun smiling. That endearing, maddening smile he always gave me.

He cocked a brow up. “Befuddled?”

I shrugged. “For lack of a better word to describe how very confusing this is.”

He nodded and began moving backward, his eyes never leaving me. “Befuddled it is.”

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t make a fool of yourself. “Did you lie to me, Kilian?”

His steps halted and he wore an expression I’d never seen before. Fear, worry, and something else.

“I thought I could read you like you read me, but it appears you can easily lie to me.”

“How so?”

Still not too late to retreat, yet in contradiction to my inner confidence my very sharp mouth spoke. “May, did you love her?”

Mal had told me of their friendship. Known each other since children, if Kilian had been open to someone, it had been with her. Mal said it was the last person he’d had a relationship with, everyone after had only been passing pleasure. She had to have meant something to him, he had to have loved her. Not long after they’d chosen to get together she’d passed away from illness. Mal said he’d not seen heartbreak but a sadness he’d never seen before. I could not even imagine him sad.

His head dropped, lips pursed back in anger. “I’m going to hang that busybody by his tongue.” He approached me once again. “I didn’t lie to you, Snow. Her story, mine, ours, is somewhat…for a lack of a better word, bad, and also ten long years ago. But I didn’t lie to you. I was not in love with her. I loved her, but not in a way lovers do. I don’t—” He stopped himself and his expression melted. “I don’t think I’ve loved a woman before, loved in a way lovers do.”

“So you did not lie to me?” Really, Snow? Was that what truly bothered you?

He shook his head, and then narrowed his eyes on me. “Why did this matter?” Yes Snow, why did this matter? I had not thought about him asking back, no one dared demand of me before. “Did you ask Mal or did he tell you?”

“Ask,” I confessed.

He blinked confused. “Why?”

I clapped my hands together, eager to let this go now. “The horses are ready, Albius would worry if we got there late,” I said, and then made to march away before he grabbed me and faded us behind the stables. The sudden movement and stink of magic made me dizzy, and I almost collapsed in his arms.

“Tell me,” he demanded, holding my face with one hand while the other held me to him.

I rolled my eyes. “Are we really doing this again, Kil darling? I thought we had put this behind our backs.”

“Not fooling me, princess. As much as my name in that mouth of yours makes me dizzy, my answer is more important.”