Page 242 of Spring Guardians & Songbirds

Kilian faded between the two of us before I even managed to say something. He raised a hand to his brother and shouted, “Go!”

Mal shook his head and took another step forward. “She deserves to know, and I should have said something sooner.”

Kilian tensed and fisted his brother’s jacket. “You gave me your fucking word. I said go.”

He’d taken his brother’s place. Kilian had taken Mal’s place.

Oh gods.

What he’d once said to me—how he had to convince many that he hated me. Had he convinced everyone that it was him who had signed off the attack? How old must have Mal been then? Why was I thinking this? It didn’t matter. I had been a child then, too.

Hesitantly, Mal faded away leaving Kilian and I alone amidst the frost. “He lied,” was the first thing he said, running a shaking hand through his hair. “He lied.”

Till the end—was he going to do this till our end? Was he going to let me kill him without telling me the truth?

“I don’t think he did.”

Kilian took a step back. “It was my fault. It was my fault, Snow. If I hadn’t fallen sick that day, it would have been me who signed it.”

He wouldn't have signed it. The Kilian my brother spoke of, the one Driada and Mal knew, the one I’d grown to know, would have not done it.

“It is all my fault,” he said, dropping to the ground. “He was only a child. The council had threatened him with Driada. A child would know no better. I made him swear on his life and Driada's that he would never tell.”

“Why did you take his blame?”

Kilian’s stare turned cold and distant. “He was the first person I’ve ever cared for and loved. I would have never known how to care for another being had it not been for him. No one had taught me—I had to learn it myself. I learned it through Mal. If I lose my brother.” He shook his head. “I can’t lose my brother. Don’t make me choose, please. I love you both.”

My whole world had turned on its hinges and now I stood on a ground I’d never stepped on before. The ground of uncertainty. Why was I uncertain?

“All you’ve ever done to me is lie. You made me feel disgusted for letting my mother’s killer touch me, for wanting you to touch me. You made me convince myself that I was sick beyond repair. Do you know how many times I’ve drowned in self-loathing because of this lie?” I shouted. “Did you not care? Did you not care at all? Was it all lies? Were any of your words true?”

He stood and just when he reached me, I stepped back, his hand froze mid-air to me.

“You selfish bastard.”

He took another step toward me, and I took another back. I watched as his face fell and wrinkled with despair. “It’s still all my fault.”

“That was for me to judge.”

He tried to reach for me again, his hand shook. “I’ll tell you all. Everything you want to know. From the start of it all. Come to me, please.”

“I don’t think I want to.”

He made one last attempt to reach me and when I backed away, his expression cracked. “Please.”

“You want to take his place, Your Majesty,” I said, making my face the surface of ice blistering from within me. “Then have his place back.”

I bolted with no aim. Landing in the middle of Soren Forest in Fernfoss. The greenery groaned and shifted at the feel of my presence. But strangely, the forest habitants didn’t jolt to run from me. Instead, flower folk, wind and forest spirits approached me, cautiously. Another first.

A glittering little thing landed on my lap resting a small palm on my much bigger one. Another followed, leaning on my leg. And then another landed on my shoulder.

Soft white flakes of snow touched the green floor of the forest, gently creating a pelt of frost. The grey sky was the loveliest it had ever been. Looking up, I whispered, “What do I do?”

But my mother was gone now. And I didn’t have any answer. For the first time my mind was empty—without a single thought.

Something I didn’t understand was happening. Something I’d never felt.

My eyes blurred and before I knew, a single tear slid down my cheek. The wind spirit fluttered her sparkly wings and flew close to my face, reaching her tiny hand to catch my tear. I watched the drop turn to glittering dust that got carried in the wind. “You’re melting.”