Page 277 of Spring Guardians & Songbirds

“You are a Delcour by blood and by right,” I said. “That means—”

“You’d be taking my position as Grand Maiden and fulfilling the bargain of the dark god,” Visha finished.

“Not unless I accept it,” she said bravely. “Tell Urinthia that I will meet with her. Not that I would accept it. She cannot force me—I’ve read about it. One must swear a sacred oath to become Grand Maiden that not only by blood but by choice I swear to be so. The deal and our meeting will grant us some talking ground with her.”

My mouth parted a little. “Talking ground? When have you started learning all of this?”

She raised her chin proudly. “You forget how much time I spend with old, wicked you. I have picked up a thing or two from the master bargainer herself.”

“Alright, little carrot.”

“It is set,” Nia said, nodding. “Mal and I will head to Eldmoor.”

Kilian had fallen asleep again in my arms, his head pressed to my chest, his grip around me so tight I was almost struggling to take a full breath. I liked being held, but I liked holding him even more. So much was happening around us, so much we had to take care of and barely any time to see one another. But he’d been so tired—so, so tired, he’d fallen asleep almost immediately.

Slowly, I slipped through his hold and rose to my feet. Planting a kiss on his forehead before gathering a robe and heading to the rooftop where I could feel a low hum of a heartbeat coming from.

Alaric sat at the edge of the wide terrace inhaling and exhaling a white puff of smoke. The moment he spotted me, he threw the tin of cigarettes down the height of the castle and dusted his jacket. A tinkle resonated on the valley below where his tin had hit rock and he winced.

“Too late, old man, you stink of cloves,” I said, settling beside him. Only then I noticed the redness in his eyes and what he held in his palm—Sam’s sunstone necklace.

He closed his fist and sighed. “Thought there would be no better time to wait for a sunrise than now.”

I gathered myself tight, leaning to rest my chin on my knees, staring at the thin bronze strip of sunlight rising over the Taren mountains. “I wish he was here.”

“He is,” he said, looking down at the necklace, a stream of tears chasing down his beard. “I feel him in the breeze sometimes. Maybe I am growing insane, maybe what I feel comes with ageing, but I swear it, kid, I always feel him close by.”

“Why can’t I feel him?” I murmured. “Does he hate me, Ric?”

“He hated no one, let alone you.” The old man bumped his knuckles to my chin. “You had the man wrapped around your fingers. He adored you.”

“He died because of me.”

“He died for you. For a better world.”

“He might have died for nothing.”

“You are doing the right thing, kid.”

“I am not,” I said truthfully, finally bearing the weight of my own decision out in the open. “Not to the girl from thirteen years ago that lost everything that night. For thirteen long years I kept her alive with thoughts of destruction and retaliation. I fed her with violence and blood when she wanted nothing but starve away. She still wants that, Ric. I think I have to let her die so I can live with the decision I’ve made. I have to bury her so I can’t see her suffer for denying her that revenge.”

Alaric grabbed my hand when I stood. “Watch the sunrise with me.”

“I can’t. Though I love and am loved, there is still hate in my heart. And it might never go away.” I looked over the rising sunset and smiled at the surface of magenta and coral. “You’re beautiful as always, Sam.”

When I returned to our bedroom, Kilian stirred awake a little and blinked heavy sleep off his lids. “What is it, love of mine?” he asked, resting a gentle hand on my cheek.

Instead of telling him, I buried my face in the crook of his shoulder, inhaling the scent of spring on him. “I missed you.” Perhaps I didn’t need to bury her at all. Perhaps I’d bruised her back in that lake enough that she had died on her own.

He lifted my face and stared at me with those all-knowing eyes of his. “Have I lost you again?”

“No, you’ve found me. You always have found me.”

“Then tell me. Make it my ache, too. I don’t wish to feel anything different from you.”

I shook my head. “It will pass. I am sure it will pass.”

He knew what I meant. He knew what every word of mine meant. “Forgive me.”