Page 66 of The Mister I Married

Chapter Seventeen

Emmy froze, her pulse quickening as Alex’s implication slowly sank in, his words resounding throughout her mind.

I suppose we’ll find out soon enough, won’t we?

Her throat was suddenly very dry, and she pressed a hand against her fluttering belly as if she might feel some intimation of life there. It was a fruitless effort, of course, but there was no denying the very real possibility that she could have a child growing inside her right now.

A child.

She might be a mother in only a matter of months.

Saints be.

“Emmy?”

She looked up and met Alex’s gaze. “Yes?”

He swept his eyes over her face, his brow knitting. “Is something the matter?”

“No,” she assured him, the reply instant though not entirely truthful. “No, I’m fine. It is only that I am—” She broke off and drew in a breath, her gaze on her half-eaten apple as she deliberated over how honest she should be. “I—it is a curious feeling, realizing that I might be a mother soon. I’ve never given motherhood much thought before and I have to admit, it scares me a little.”

It more than scared her. It terrified her.

“I think every parent must feel that way,” Alex said. “You are not alone.”

Emmy pursed her lips. “But I have so little experience with children. I have no idea what to do with them, or say to them, or if I will do right by them.”

Or if I will love them as a mother ought.

She set her unfinished apple on the grass beside her lemonade and wrapped her arms around her knees, trying to picture herself as a doting mama.

She had never been an affectionate person, and she was fairly certain she hadn’t a nurturing bone in her body. Would that change with the birth of her first child?

Or would it simply…not?

“You are the most capable person I’ve ever met, Emmy,” Alex said. “And you have a kind and giving heart.”

“Thank you,” she said softly, grateful for his words, even if they did not totally dispel her fears. “I admit, I am rarely intimidated by a new challenge, but the prospect of creating a life, and helping to shape it into an actual person…” She shook her head. “That is intimidating.”

Alex’s smile said he agreed with her. “I know it is.”

“I want to do right by my children. I don’t want to do anything to make them feel defective, or less than good enough. I—”

She broke off, feeling vulnerable, like she’d said too much. Revealed too much. Restless now, she crossed her legs and busily straightened her skirts about her knees.

“Your mother loves you, Emmy,” Alex said quietly. “Anyone can see that.”

Her cheeks warmed. Was she really so transparent? There was something almost unsettling about being so easily read.

“I know she does,” she said, her fingers fidgeting in her lap. “But I can’t help thinking sometimes that she would have liked a daughter who was a little more like herself, and I don’t want to make my children feel that way.”

He reached out and took her by the hand, stroking his thumb soothingly across her palm. “You won’t,” he said with conviction, illogical but appreciated. “I’m scared, too, but we will figure it out together.”

Emmy nodded and gave him a small smile. Rationally, she knew he was right. She knew she was not the only woman to feel this way about impending motherhood but knowing that did not make her feel better about it.

Logic, however powerful, could not totally dispel her fear and worry.

She thought she had entered into this marriage with both eyes open, and perhaps she had. She knew what was expected of her. She knew Alex wanted children.