Page 34 of The Duke of My Desire

She laughed and swatted his arm before snuggling against him and resting her head on his shoulder.

“Gregory?”

“Hm?”

“How is it that you had never been with a woman before yesterday?”

He was silent for several heartbeats, and she feared she had overstepped. She had no wish to embarrass him. She was curious, but her interest wasn’t prurient.

“There were many reasons,” he finally said. “The idea of being intimate with a stranger never appealed to me, not even as a lad. And then I met Olivia and fell in love, and I was happy to wait for our wedding night.” He lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. “When she ended our betrothal, I left England for a time to nurse my broken heart and for a long while, the company of other women simply did not interest me.”

Justina swallowed, hating the unmistakable weight of jealousy curdling in her gut. It was silly, perhaps, to be jealous of the woman who had jilted Gregory, a woman who was now married to another man, but she couldn't help it. After all, just because the woman from his past no longer wanted him did not mean he no longer wanted her.

“Do you still love her?” she asked before she could stop herself, her calm tone belying the thudding of her heart.

“No,” he said, the single, beautiful word curling around her like a warm blanket. “She was beautiful and charming, and I was infatuated with her, but time and distance have softened those feelings. I think of her with fondness now and I wish her happy.”

The last remnants of jealousy faded, replaced by admiration and wonder that this man who’d had his heart broken could think so well of the woman who’d broken it.

Drawing back to look at him, she gave his forearm a squeeze. “You’re a good man, Gregory,” she said with a soft smile. “Your future bride will be a very lucky woman.”

He returned her smile, apparently pleased by her words, but then his smile suddenly dimmed, his brow furrowing.

“Oh, dear,” Justina said. “I think I recognize that look. You’re thinking about your mother, aren’t you?”

He sighed. “My mother is—was—another reason why I delayed lying with a woman.”

Justina gaped at him. “How? Did she forbid it?”

He chuckled, though it held little mirth. “No, it was nothing like that. It has to do with my father. He…was not a good husband.”

“In what way?”

He drew in a deep breath. “He was cruel,” he said quietly. “Not physically or verbally—he never struck my mother, never berated her. He ignored her. He made his ambivalence known with his neglect and his absences and his many, many mistresses.”

Gregory looked at her, his eyes blazing with anger. “I vowed years ago that I would never treat a woman with such disrespect.”

Justina was silent for a moment as she pondered his words. Her own marriage had been a happy one, a love match, but she knew many ton marriages were not based on love, but on social advancement or monetary gain.

“Did your mother love your father? Was their marriage a love match?”

He shook his head. “It was arranged by their parents. I don’t know if she loved him, but I know she cared for him enough to be hurt by him.”

“And you’re trying to make up for his behavior by being the perfect son?”

He huffed out a rueful laugh. “I suppose I am. She drives me mad sometimes, but she’s always looked after me and cared for me and I don’t want to hurt her.” He raked a hand through his hair, frustration lining his face. “That’s why I feel so guilty for not giving her this marriage she wants so badly.”

Justina squeezed his forearm again, sympathy warming her chest. He was an honorable man, and a loyal son. It was no wonder he was so conflicted.

“It is commendable that you care for your mother’s happiness so much,” she said quietly, “but, Gregory, there must be limits. You cannot give her what she wants if it goes against what you want. I’m sure she will come to understand that someday.”

He gave her a small smile. “I hope you’re right. My mother is a naturally stubborn woman, but I suppose anything is possible.”

Justina chuckled. “My mother was a stubborn woman, too.”

“Was?”

She nodded. “Scarlet fever took her and my father nearly ten years ago.”