Page 157 of Unravel Me

"Yes, you… you’ll grow ones like these too when your power awakens," I murmur, kissing the top of his head.

Since he’s still pulling on his ears… rather vigorously, I decide to distract him with an afternoon snack.

Alex has packed the refrigerator with plenty of things meant for Tommy. I take out some zucchini fritters and sweet potato bites and heat them up.

Tommy plays around with an educational toy.

I’d really love to take him out for a walk, but I know perfectly well that I’m too recognizable to simply walk around the streets.

During those last three months, when I lived in Alex’s tiny house, I barely went outside at all, and I shouldn’t now either.

After he finishes eating, I look around and notice that thankfully, Bay has a fairly large balcony.

When I step out onto it, I’m somewhat surprised to discover that the complex is located directly on the other side of the fence, behind which there is a row of small houses, including Alex’s house!

Interesting… so Bay bought an apartment here and lives this close to Alex? It surprises me a bit, but I suppose it’s yet another piece of evidence that despite all the years since they broke up, something is still lingering between them, some strangely intense energy.

As I look around, I also notice that Alex has set up a small portable plastic sandbox for Tommy. I sit down beside it, and together with my son, I start building various things out of the sand using animal-shaped molds.

Tommy is delighted when we make an entire zoo, and I use the cat-shaped mold to pretend I’m climbing up his little leg while meowing.

I watch his giggling face for a moment, then decide to teach him… a few signs.

Yeah. Just… on impulse.

I start explaining:

"You know you can say 'I love you' without words?"

Tommy watches me closely. He’s not even two yet, but I feel my explanations are getting through to him.

I show him the ASL sign for "I love you," extending my thumb, index finger, and pinky. Tommy gets excited when I guide his little chubby fingers into the right position and he tries to copy the gesture.

I repeat several times, "If you want to tell someone you love him, you can just raise your hand with your fingers like this. But if you have a friend, someone you simply like, you can show it like this."

I point to myself, then place my open hand against my chest and move it slightly toward myself and downward, then point at Tommy.

We practice the sign for a while, and I can see how much Tommy enjoys it. He makes the gesture toward me several times, and his big green eyes light up with joy when he starts getting it right.

At some point, I realize that several good hours have already passed since both Alex and Bay left. I wonder what’s taking them so long.

I take Tommy inside because he’s covered in sand and has gotten it all through his hair, so I decide to give him a bath.

I’m genuinely happy about this simple, everyday task and the chance to spend time with him. I can’t get enough of his little smiling face.

I didn’t even realize how much I missed him during all those days while I was consumed by the madness that happened last week.

But at the same time, sitting here in Bay’s apartment, somewhere in the back of my mind, there’s this sinking feeling of wrongness, the feeling that I pushed Mauro away and didn’t even give him a chance to explain when he pulled out his phone. I slapped it out of his hand, and instead I just worked myself up over the sex.

Sometimes my stomach actually hurts because I feel so utterly crushed by my actions. Why the fuck didn’t I allow him to say anything?

It was fucking unfair.

Eventually, it starts getting dark, and I know it’s going to be difficult to get Tommy to sleep because he’s so excited that I’m back.

I usually avoid putting him in front of a screen because I don’t believe it’s necessarily good for a child’s mental development, and normally I only do it when I’m taking a shower and need something to occupy Tommy, but I can see how wound up he is, bouncing around, wanting to dance with me and trying to jump on the bed, so eventually, reluctantly, I put on an OmegaCat cartoon for him.

I step out onto the balcony for a moment to get some air, organize my thoughts, and deal with this emptiness and growing pain, but then I notice that perhaps while I turned away for a moment, Tommy knocked several of the molds off the balcony, and they’re now lying on the lawn below the building.