Page 9 of The Wolf and the Monarch

It would be a lie to say that Benji enjoyed flying. In fact, he would go so far to say that he hated it. However, flying was the quickest way to get from point A to point B so he put up with it. He tried his best to fall asleep whenever he was flying because it was the best way to forget that he was thousands of miles above the ground in a steel death trap, but the unfortunate thing was that he usually couldn’t sleep. He found planes to be very loud and distracting. He could probably get a pair of headphones, but he didn’t find that to be very safe either. What if he was listening to something and he missed the sound of the engine frying that inevitably sent them all to their deaths? He couldn’t have that…

Even as he closed his eyes and feigned sleep, he couldn’t help but think about the task that was at hand for him. The dread had yet to dissipate and it was different from flying dread. It was the dread that he had ever since he talked to Andi before they were leaving. He was hoping that it would go away but it just kept niggling at him like a little bug. He tried to tell himself it was nervousness for a solo mission. It had to be that. It was the only thing that made sense.

“Benji? You good?” Spence suddenly asked.

He didn’t open his eyes. He just mumbled, “Fantastic.”

“Nervous?”

“What gave it away?”

“The fact you’ve been squirming forrr…” Spence paused. “I don’t know, fifteen minutes?”

He opened his eyes and turned his head towards his uncle. The guy looked calm as a cucumber. Which, yeah, of course he did. He was Spence. His whole life, he was fairly certain he had never seen him stress for a moment of it. “You know I hate flying.”

“Yeah, wasn’t sure if it was that or something else.”

He raised his brow. “Like what? The fact this whole operation rests on my shoulders? That my dad’s entire impression of me is on the line? Nah, never crossed my mind.”

Spence snorted. “Yeah, well, guess that’s a good reason to be restless. He wouldn’t send you if he didn’t think you could do it. And it’s probably not gonna be that bad.”

“We don’t know that.”

“We kind of do. Mattie said it himself. Should be an easy job.”

“Yeah. Get in, get out.”

“Then why are you nervous?” Spence folded his arms across his chest.

He sighed and shrugged. “Just am. I don’t know. Guess it’s my first…big mission by myself since–” Benji cut himself and shook his head. He didn’t need to say it. Spence knew.

His uncle wobbled his head. “Guess that’s true.”

Benji sighed and shifted his gaze past Spence so he could look out at the sky, which he quickly stopped doing after a few seconds. “I just don’t want to mess it up. I can’t mess it up.”

“Why would you think you even would?” His uncle asked, shifting in his seat so he could turn towards Benji a little more. “You’re clearly the best person for this job. Travis would stand no chance. Andi and Mattie don’t leave the bunker. My knees hurt too much for all that sleuthing. So, clearly, you’re the best option.”

Benji smirked. “Simply by process of elimination.”

Spence rolled his eyes and reached over to slap him on the shoulder. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Yeah…”

“Benji, look at me.” He didn’t. He just stared off beside his head. “Look at me,” Spence repeated, shifting his seat so that could get into the line of sight that Benji had. At that point, Benji had no choice but to. “You’re the best person for the job because of what you’ve trained for. You’re fast. You’re efficient. You’re quiet. That’s what the job needs. Don’t let that shit in the past get in your head. You’re ready for this. You’ve been ready for this.”

If there was one thing about Spence, the guy really did know how to give a pep talk. Even if it was just a simple one like that. “Yeah,” Benji sighed and frowned just a bit. “I just don’t want to let Dad down.”

There had been several times in the past that he had talked to Spence or Travis about his dad and his need to impress him. They knew him better than anyone so it just made sense to him. He couldn’t really talk about him with Andi because she didn’t really experience the same thing he did. Their dad clearly favored her. He looked at her like she could do no wrong and was the golden child. Matthew just thought she was absolutely brilliant while he was the idiot who cost him precious contracts and thousands of dollars. It was hard not to see from the outside looking in. Benji had tried and tried over the years to impress Matthew but it just was never enough. He never harnessed any ill will towards his sister. It wasn’t her fault. She was just doing her job.

But he would be lying if he said that there was a small part of him that resented his dad for it.

Being a twin was always a bit hard because no matter what, they were going to be compared to one another and that just wasn’t something he wanted. But, that was just how life went. He accepted it, even if he didn’t particularly care for it.

“You won’t.” Spence said assuredly.

“You’re just saying that because you have to.”

He shook his head. “Not at all. I’m saying it because I believe it.”