Page 80 of Novice Girlfriend

“Shit, sorry,” he sighed, sounding upset. “It’s just what we’re watching and I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out how to ask what you’re feeling.”

I gave a half shrug. “Annoyed that it’s apparently going to be something everyone brings up always again like when that crap happened with me in the bikini. I know I cry all the time and break down—I’m disappointed in myself about that too—but I’m not as weak as everyone thinks.”

“Bev, you’re not weak at all. This is huge, massive shit. I’d be in—I am a wreck because of losing the gift I was given. Nothing is as easy as others think it is for us. People are fucking dismissive of the pain of others because they see it from a distance. They see it how they would handle that one situation, not the culmination of everything you’ve already experienced.”

I nodded, having heard that from Emma already. “I’m fine.”

“Can we talk about it?”

“Yeah. Not sure why, but I guess this is about more than what I just said,” I grumbled, pulling my feet up and hugging my knees as I stared at the TV.

“It is, and knowing Winter, he already talked to you about some of this, but I have questions he might not as your priest.” He waited until I nodded. “Can you tell me exactly what happened since I wasn’t there? What you felt magically?”

That was fair, so I did, guessing it was probably a bit of him wanting a distraction too.

“So it wasn’t about Link so much as the situation?” he hedged after several minutes of mulling it all over.

I thought about that, not thinking he was being jealous. I looked over at him and searched his eyes. “This was about Link, but not the way you’re thinking.” I tried to think of how to put it into words.

Something filled Wyatt’s eyes. “He’s always pointing North.”

“Yes,” I whispered, blinking at him. “He’s even. He wasn’t raised like us and his compass is even and—this wasn’t just about it being his best friend. It was the line crossed. Even the thing with Kevin was a hit, and then those dirty cops were dead because they were dirty and a problem. They did it to themselves.

“This was Jason threatening the family of someone good. Breaking the line in the sand and just… He was willing to give his life to take Jason off the board. Yeah, he would have put Conrad in the ground to save me—he and Taylor both made that clear. You did too. But that was—you all would have to pay for that. There’s no price to pay for what I did.”

“You don’t know that,” he worried. “You could be punished for it.”

“I don’t believe that,” I told him honestly. “It was as easy as breathing and I felt like…”

“What?” he pushed when I was quiet a bit longer.

“‘About time,’” I muttered. “It felt like the magic around us—nature around us was relieved. I don’t know how to really put it into words. It was more like something was corrected instead of something wrong done.”

He didn’t seem like he believed me and I realized I didn’t know if I believed myself in a way?

I sighed and scrubbed my hands over my face. “At first I was freaking. I always freak. My default setting is freaking. I remember thinking… Inside I was a mess and I would sort it out later. I knew it was crazy, but then it just wasn’t.”

“What changed?” he asked when I couldn’t seem to figure out what to say next.

I blinked at him, and that was what I needed to know the answer. “When I told Jason his familiar was fine, just no longer his. It was when I felt it was about time to use my magic this way. To…”

“What?” he pushed.

I scrubbed my face yet again and sighed for probably the millionth time of the night. “The analogy is bad, especially after what Quinn told me about your dad taking a car away from you, but that’s what it felt like. I felt like I was there to take a present away before someone did more damage with it.

“Like my job—I’m the one who comes to repo the gift if they’re doing damage with it? I felt so settled in it when I knew I set the familiar free and did what I should? I just didn’t freak. I mean, I knew the ripples of it all but… It felt like…”

“That’s a lot to digest.” He nodded when I snorted.

We watched in silence, but he kept glancing at me and I thought it was because he was worried that he should leave. I didn’t care about that. If he didn’t want to be alone, I was fine with him being there.

“What’s going through your head, Bev?” he asked gently.

Oh, he was worried about me?

“I don’t know,” I mumbled.

“Yes, you do.”