Page 11 of On Your Knees

“Don’t look at me like that,” I snap. His eyes drop instantly, and I hate that even more. I close my eyes for a second and drive it all down. “I’m sorry,” I tell him without opening my eyes. “It’s not something I like talking about.”

I hear the paper rustle like Levi is putting it down. My eyes fly open, expecting to see him getting up like he won’t do this, like I’m going to have to stop him, but instead I find him picking up the pen.

He asks, “And you won’t share the pictures of me?”

Even though the NDA prohibits me from that, I don’t need my signature on the page to answer him. “Never.”

I’m greedy, and what I see of him, I would never offer to anyone else.

Levi Drussel signs his name under mine. The letters are small and cramped. He’s never learned to take up space.

He caps the pen and lays it down, then his hands clamp onto his knees. He’s still perched on the edge of the couch. He’s uneasy but dealing with it. He might be riddled with insecurities, but he’s got guts. He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t.

I feel myself calming down, doing better as I focus on him again. This isn’t about me.

I make him get out his phone so we can exchange numbers and so I can send him the money. He thinks we’re just setting things up, like a test deposit. He startles when I make the full transfer.

“But I haven’t done anything yet,” he protests.

“You’ll be paid in advance every week. Do you need more? You said you needed money. Do you have debt?”

“Just rent I’m behind on. And some credit card stuff, I guess.” When his phone chimes with another deposit, he startles. His eyes bug out. “Oh my God, why did you do that? I didn’t mean for you to—”

“I don’t want you stressed about money. I want you focused on what we’re doing. I want it pure.”

“I can’t believe you just did that.” Levi is staring at his phone, so shocked that he looks horrified.

I reach over and grip his jaw like I did last night. I turn his face toward me. It’s the first time I’ve touched him today. I don’t say anything. I just make him look at me until his panic fades.

He’s so affected by touch. I love it. It’s like a feedback loop, like I experience his response in my own body.

I repeat my words because I don’t think he heard them the first time. “I don’t want you stressed about money. I want you focused on what we’re doing. Okay?”

I’m not being kind or generous. The money is nothing to me, and I don’t want Levi distracted by a problem that I can solve so easily, like he was fixated on it last night, terrified of losing his evening’s pay. I want every bit of his attention, even when he’s not with me.

And sure, with seven thousand in his account, he could run out on me. But he’s not going to. He needs the money, desperately, but it’s not really why he’s here.

Levi nods against my hand, and I see how easily I could make him cry right now. All it would take is my thumb brushing his cheek. The tiniest comfort and it would happen. I want to do it. I want to see it. But I hold back because this isn’t the moment. It’s not the right context, and I’m not going to spoil that first for either of us.

So I let go of him and stand from the couch. I leave him there to collect himself while I walk to the kitchen and get him a glass of water.

He’s better by the time I return. He’s embarrassed though, given the way he avoids my eyes as he thanks me for the water.

Watching him guzzle it, an image flashes through my mind. It’s very dirty, and it makes my dick twitch in its cage.

Golden Boy, I would call it.

I wonder if he’d do it for me. I wonder if he could.

God, he gives me so many ideas.

Dark.

Depraved.

Utterly beautiful.

But I have to be careful. He’s inexperienced, and that’s the point. I want to capture his progression—and that means no skipping ahead.