Page 52 of On Your Knees

I pause in my work, turning to look at her.

She raises a sculpted eyebrow. “Did that not occur to you? Let me guess: you were worried about testimony from a cop or that maybe a semen sample would turn up—”

“Fuck you, you fucking cunt, get the fuck out of my goddamn house—”

“I’m not here to fight you, Ethan. We have to stick together. I’ve protected you for years, and that’s what I’m trying to do now.”

I scrub my hands over my face like that can wipe away her version of events. My body is shaking, and I know she can see it, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

Ruby’s manicured nails tap on the counter. “So I take it you haven’t discovered Daniel Jensen’s connection to all this?”

I cross my arms over my stomach and try to focus. I have to get my shit together. I can’t let her have the upper hand like this. And yet, I still have to ask, “What’s his connection?”

“Indirect. He’s married to the granddaughter of Henry Grigson. Do you understand?”

“I know Grigson is a member of the High Castle board.” Shit, my voice is flat.

“Was, Ethan, was. He died four months ago.”

“So?”

“Sooo”—she drags out the word sneeringly—“you don’t remember him coming over that night, him and John Clifford?”

That night.

Everything stills.

For a moment, everything vanishes.

Then I sense someone right in front of me. My eyes focus to find Ruby’s fingers snapping in front of my face. The image doubles, layering the past and present.

She snaps her fingers in front of my face and tells me to get dressed. She tells me to stop crying. She tells me that nothing happened.

And yet, though nothing happened, I am a sinner.

Wicked.

Depraved.

“Dying men confess things,” she says, but I don’t know which version of her is speaking. “He might’ve said all kinds of things.”

He did.

He said, You make me sin.

He said, You must repent.

He said, You’re the one making this happen.

He said, I forgive you.

“Focus, Ethan,” Ruby orders, still standing right in front of me. “This is serious.”

I try to speak. I try to tell her there’s nothing we can do about it. But the words just roll around in my head and don’t come out.

Ruby says, “You need to come back to the church. We need a united front. Jensen thinks he can divide us. He thinks one of us will turn on the others to control the narrative.”

I still can’t get any words out, so I shake my head. I want her to step back. I don’t like when she’s this close to me, but she has all the power right now.