Page 72 of On Your Knees

I need to ask, I realize.

“Is it a good thing then? Being here with me?”

Ethan nuzzles behind my ear. “Yes.”

“You didn’t tell me about this place,” I point out.

“I’ve never brought anyone here.”

My mind skips back to the cellar, but I cut off the thought. I’m not ready to think about that.

The patio doors open. I lift my head from Ethan’s shoulder to see Patrick leaning out.

“Do you guys need anything?”

Ethan says, “Uh, maybe. Would you mind cutting Levi’s hair?”

If Patrick is surprised, it doesn’t show. “Sure. Levi? Is that what you want?”

“Oh. Um. Yes? You’re sure you don’t mind?”

Patrick comes out, closing the door. “I’ll go get my scissors.”

I watch in confusion as Patrick walks across the patio then across the driveway to the garage, which he walks around, heading to the back.

“Where’s he going?” I ask.

“Oh. There’s an apartment on the other side of the garage. He lives there when we’re here.”

“Not in the house?”

“No. We’re really not together. I don’t want you worrying about that.”

“I’m just trying to understand.”

Ethan snorts. “Good luck with that. I’ve known him for ten years, and even I don’t understand. We’re friends but more than friends. We’re not together and never will be. I trust Patrick so much, but I’ve never been able to be with him like I am with you.”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know exactly. I’m different with you. Patrick clocked it from the start. I act different with you. I feel different with you. I don’t know, Levi, I haven’t figured it out yet.”

“That’s okay.”

“I feel like it’s right there, like I almost know. But I can’t grasp it. I feel so strange.”

“Yeah,” I agree, realizing that I do too. This is what Patrick meant, I think, when he said that it was new and scary.

When I hear Patrick’s shoes crunching across the gravel, I sit up and look over my shoulder. He’s carrying a black cloth and other things in his hand. It’s strange to be around him. It’s strange to think about his history with Ethan.

Reaching the patio, Patrick drags a small table away from where it’s sitting by the other chair. He motions me over. Ethan’s hands drag across my body as I extricate myself from him, like he doesn’t want to let me go. He sighs loudly, maybe unhappily, as I sit on the table and Patrick shakes out a black barber’s cape.

“Don’t get jealous,” Patrick warns, keeping an eye on Ethan as he swings the cape around me. “It’s just a haircut, and it was your idea.”

Ethan replies shortly, “I know.”

Patrick snaps the cape at the back of my neck. “So what are we doing, Levi?”

“I don’t know. You have actual tools, so I think you know more than I do. Just make it look better please.”