Page 96 of On Your Knees

Patrick crowds around me, pushing into the room, then he too stops dead and mutters, “Fuck.”

I walk slowly toward Levi.

He says, “It was right.”

“I know,” I tell him, moving his way. “Come here. Please.”

Levi steps out from behind the desk. He moves toward me with a strange grace that makes my brain glitch with that winged image again.

As we meet in the middle of the room, Levi drops to his knees in front of me. His hands rest on his thighs. He tilts his head back and looks up. His expression is open and soft.

I reach out with a shaky hand and pet his hair. I know what he’s done for me, and it’s so big, it fills me up so full, that for this one blissful moment, there’s no room inside me for anything else.

Even the memories at the edges of my mind, things that happened in this room when Paul brought me here for counseling because I kept getting sick at church—they can’t reach me.

Only Levi is real.

His presence.

His love.

Another reality layers itself, however, when Patrick walks past us and goes to look at the body. But that reality is surreal, playing at the edges like my memories, less important than Levi kneeling in front of me as I stroke his hair.

I only half hear Patrick asking, “You shot him?”

Levi replies, his voice light and steady, “I guided his hand.”

“Whose finger was on the trigger?”

“His.”

Patrick asks, “With your hand on his?”

I’m still petting Levi’s hair as he answers, “Yes.”

“Okay. That’s good. I can deal with this. You two need to get out of here. Ethan, come on. Get moving.”

I blink, and Patrick solidifies. Reality solidifies.

We have a dead body.

We have a problem.

“What do you mean you can deal with this?” I ask. “What are you going to do?”

Patrick’s eyes are hard and cold. I’ve seen them like that before, once or twice. I don’t know the details of Patrick’s history any more than he knows mine, but I do know it’s not pretty. I know he’s been involved in a lot of shit that he doesn’t talk about.

There’s no angelic presence to Patrick, just a dark, solid, human one. And yet, he’s also protecting me. Me and Levi.

He says, “Just get out. I won’t be long. Let me deal with this. Please, Ethan—go.”

I nod. I reach down my hand for Levi. He takes it, and I help him to his feet. I engage the safety on my gun and slide it into the back of my jeans. I didn’t need it. I had Levi.

I glance at him. He nods, and we walk out together, back down the hallway and through the sitting room, then out through the sliding glass door.

I help Levi over the wall, and we walk out into the alley. His hand is in mine. It’s quiet and dark as we walk to my car. I open the door for him.

When he gets in, I lean down and kiss him. It starts sweet, but then his mouth opens, and I plunge into it. I kiss him hard and deep. Hunger wakes up inside me. It wakes in him too. He grabs at me, but that’s fine. He can grab at me. I want him to.