Page 5 of The Way We Are Now

‘And you want to be a cleaner?’

‘I actually like cleaning. Part of my obsession with wanting everything neat and tidy, I reckon. Look, it’s at Bodington Hall.’

‘What’s that? A stately home? We’d be chased around the bedrooms by some leery old marquis in his underpants.’

‘No, you daft thing. Bodington Hall. University halls of residence for first-year undergrads. I can’t believe you’ve not heard of it.’

‘Oh, right, yes. Of course. Think I’d rather be chased with a feather duster by a duke than mopping up vomit and condoms from kids out on the razz after leaving their mothers’ apron strings for the first time.’

‘You sound terribly superior, you know, now that you’re one year in. Look, not bad money – it’d buy us a few Bulmers in the union bar. And, don’t forget, you and I are off to work on a kibbutz in the summer. We’ll need money for the flights to Israel. We need to be booking those soon if you’re still up for it?’

‘Still up for it? I can’t wait!’ Fliss and I had spent hours planning how we were going to spend the long summer vacation together.

‘Look,’ Fliss went on, ‘we could just sign up for a few hours a week to fit round lectures.’

‘It’s miles from Headingley.’

‘And how good is it that my mum has passed on her old Mini to me after getting my dad to cough up for a new one?’

‘Not exactly old, Fliss.’ I did try hard not to be envious of Fliss’s bright yellow Mini; her ability to move around under her own steam rather than relying on Shanks’s pony or Leeds Corporation transport.

‘I know, I know, I’m very privileged.’ Fliss pulled a face. ‘As you keep reminding me. But don’t let your social conscience stop you from accepting a lift. The bus would take you a good fifteen minutes. We could say we’ll only work in a pair. And, if it makes you feel any better, you can put petrol in the Mini every now and again.’

‘Surely they want older, experienced cleaners?’ I frowned. ‘Not students like me who can’t even keep her room tidy.’

‘Speak for yourself.’

‘I know, I know, your room is clinically clean.’

‘Come on then, I’m up for it if you are. Let’s investigate.’

Half an hour later the pair of us were seated at the front of the Wimpy Bar, feasting on a burger and fries in celebration of the start of our new careers as halls of residence chars. It had all been pretty straightforward – the university obviously desperate for someone to clean up after the first years who had moved in at the start of the academic year.

‘You’re not expected to clean the students’ rooms,’ the woman in personnel had explained, obviously relieved that someone – anyone – had applied for the work. ‘It’s the kitchens, mainly, in the one hundred self-catering flats. Students are not the best at cleaning ovens and leaving sinks unblocked.’ She’d given a little moue of distaste. ‘Despite notices up telling them not to put fat down the sinks.’

‘One hundred self-catering flats?’ I murmured through a mouthful of food. ‘One hundred greasy disgusting kitchens we have to get stuck in to?’ Knowing that I was going to have a bit more money in my pocket had me enjoying the burger without a sense of guilt. And, just one day into a state of vegetarianism, the food tasted like nectar.

‘No, no.’ Fliss shook her head. ‘Each kitchen is used by five bedrooms and is a shared facility.’

‘How do you know?’ I took a last bite of my food, wiped my mouth and leaned forwards.

‘I had a bit of a thing with a guy there last year. I’ve been in one of the flats.’

‘Have you? I don’t remember that. And you went into the kitchen?’

‘Yep. And the shared sitting room.’

‘Pretty disgusting?’

‘Yep.’

‘So, twenty kitchens then?’

‘Yes, but we’ll be responsible for ten of them, I think she said. Two others have signed up as well.’

‘Well, that doesn’t sound too bad,’ I said. ‘We just need to look at our timetables and work out the hours we can do and when we can fit it all in round lectures. Could we do it in the evening, d’you think? It all sounds fairly flexible.’

‘It has to be. The supervisor is desperate to have anyone cleaning there. But no, we can’t be cleaning ovens and dusting round the TV when the students are back in there, cooking and eating on their knees in front of the TV.’