Page 90 of The Way We Are Now

I nodded. ‘The thing is, I don’t know if it’s you or Theo. You know⁠—’

‘Ah,’ he interrupted. ‘The wonderful Theo Mandeville?’ Michael almost spat his name.

‘Oh? You know who he is?’

‘Of course I do, Anna. Don’t forget James Armitage, his brother-in-law, is in the shadow cabinet. We may sit at opposite sides of the house, as well as be poles apart politically, but we do chat. Once he knew I was seeing you, he said to give you his regards. He’d met you at some hunt ball, I believe.’

‘His regards?’ I stared.

‘Told me all about Orgreave and your brother Les.’

‘I’ve told you all about Orgreave and my brother Les.’

‘Yes, for you to boast about being there, at the hub of it all.’

‘Excuse me…?’

‘Come on, Anna, it’s a good story to tell. What you’ve always failed to mention is that you’d been having a thing with Sir Hugh Mandeville’s son, persuaded him along to prove some sort of point and then when he was injured, lost his fingers, could no longer pursue his dream of representing England at squash, you abandoned him…’

‘It was not like that!’

‘So, come on then, tell me, what was it like?’ Michael took my arm, forcing me to look at him.

‘Could you take your hand from my arm, please. You’re hurting me.’

‘And you’re not hurting me? Coming here, telling me you’ve been shagging around with some ex-boyfriend and then trying to palm off the result on me.’

‘Palm this baby off?’ I stared at Michael, felt I didn’t know this man I’d been seeing for a year. He still had hold of my arm, and I was instantly back almost twenty years, in the NUM offices, John Dyson grabbing hold of my breast, furious that I was ending the relationship. Both men affronted by a woman appearing to have the upper hand, their very masculinity clearly called in to question.

‘Please let me go.’

‘I’m sorry. Anna, I didn’t mean to hurt you.’ He let go of me immediately and I elbowed him out of the way, picked up my keys and headed for the door. I spoke as calmly as I could but without turning round. ‘I needed to be honest with you, Michael. I’m so terribly sorry I’ve put you through this and you’ve every right to feel anger. I don’t blame you at all. I know how much you want children of your own, but don’t you see? I couldn’t lie to you and tell you the baby’s yours. I mean, it’s quite possible it is yours. But I don’t know. I just don’t know! Look, Michael, I understand if you want nothing more to do with me. I’ve betrayed your trust – I’ve never done anything like this before – and you’re the one to suffer.’

I walked back towards him, tried to take his hand, but he was having none of it. How could I blame him? ‘I’m going now,’ I said in tears, ‘but we obviously need to talk about this again soon. If both you and Theo want nothing more to do with me and this baby, then I’ll just have to live with that. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…’

I tried once more to take Michael’s hand, but he’d already turned away from me.

‘And you’re questioning why Michael was so angry?’ Gemma stared at me across the desk. ‘You’ve been sleeping with your ex at the same time as with him? You get yourself pregnant…?’

‘One doesn’t get oneself pregnant,’ I snapped, feeling the start of a headache over my eyes.

‘Well, no, there appears to be three of you involved here.’

‘Stop being so bloody sanctimonious, Gemma. You’re not my mother.’

‘No, Anna, I’m just concerned. For you. I didn’t think you ever even wanted children?’

‘It’s not something I’ve given much thought to,’ I lied.

‘Oh, come on, no woman gets to the age of forty without thinking: will I have children? It’s one of the biggest decisions we have to make, even if it’s coming firmly down on not having them.’

‘Gemma, I need someone to talk to, not be given a telling off.’

‘Yes, and Anna’ – her voice softened – ‘you know I’ll always be here for you. But don’t you think you should be talking to Theo? As well as to Michael again, now that he’s calmed down?’

‘I’m not sure he has calmed down.’

‘Put yourself in Michael’s place. Reverse the scenario.’ Gemma frowned. ‘Hang on, someone’s in reception and Claudia’s gone off to get more Penguins. I’ll be back. Don’t go anywhere.’