Page 73 of My Summer of Magic Moments

‘You’re welcome.’

‘For coming down here … everything. And thanks for staying. Did I sleep?’

‘Yep, snoring and everything.’

‘Really?’

She shook her head, ‘no’, laughing.

He suddenly looked serious, ‘Thank you … for raising the alarm.’

‘Thank God I did. And thank God for Bess.’

‘It had started off as a normal swim.’ He was trying to explain once more. ‘Then, when I got into trouble, started getting dragged out, at first I thought it was maybe for the best. You know … Maybe that would be the easiest thing, just to let myself go. I could slide into oblivion. Join them.’

Tears were in her eyes. There was a mistiness in his too. ‘I couldn’t, Claire. I just wanted to live … I so wanted to live … Battling every fucking wave. There have been nights, so many nights, when I would have settled for that. For that oblivion. And then when I was faced with it, I wasn’t ready. What a fucker of a way to go. Sod’s law that when you really don’t want that any more, it should happen.’ He seemed tired again. His voice softer. ‘I needed to live.’

Claire moved towards him and put her arms around his shoulders. Her head resting lightly against his chest, she held him like she’d been wanting to hold him for weeks, relief and love flooding her core.

He took a long, slow sigh, which she felt through his chest, then brushed her head with the lightest of kisses.

‘Survival. That’s the instinct to survive, Ed,’ she said. She knew that all too well.

‘I don’t want to just survive any more.’ He shifted up a bit in the bed so she had to raise her head to look at him. ‘I want to live, Claire. Really live.’

It was how she had felt, facing cancer, seeing it all about to be taken away from her. You wanted to make the most of every day, every moment.

‘To live, yes.’ She understood.

They held each other, arms wrapped tight, until his breathing began to soften and he dozed off once more. He seemed peaceful. Claire pulled gently away and placed a tender kiss on his brow.

He looked like he was going to sleep for a while, so she popped out to the car to check on Bess, who seemed a little shivery but okay. She quickly nipped to the town centre to find a pet shop, to get a lead, two bowls – one for water (she’d had trouble trying to get the dog to lick from the tiny plastic cup she’d sneaked from the ward), the other for food, which she bought, and a dog blanket. She tucked Bess in after giving her a bit of a walk, a snack and a drink, and left her with a bowl of water. ‘He’s okay, Bess. You’ll see him soon, promise.’ She received a wag of the tail, which flicked the blanket loose. She tucked it back round. ‘Got to go. Hopefully I won’t be too long.’

Back on the ward, Claire couldn’t bring herself to leave Ed, to drive away, until she knew he was really all right. And then he’d need a lift, wouldn’t he? No one seemed in a hurry to push her out, though she realized visiting time had officially finished, so she kept a low profile, chatting quietly when he woke and letting him sleep in between times. He needed to regain his strength.

She went out to the car to check Bess once more, and came back to find that the doctors had been round and given him the all clear. Ed was trying to dress himself in chino trousers that were too short, a huge T-shirt and a well-worn grey fleece. He looked like a practising tramp.

‘Ed, what’s going on?’

‘Great news. I can go.’

‘Well, great, but … the clothes. Really?’

‘From lost property. I can’t go out as I came in.’

She screwed up her face, trying to understand.

‘Naked as the day I was born,’ he explained.

Oh God, yes – the naked bloody swimming. ‘I knew all that nude swimming couldn’t be good for you.’

‘You’ve seen me?’

‘Ah-hum.’ A cheeky grin fluttered across her lips.

‘How often?’ He furrowed his brows.

‘Quite often. I used to quite look forward to it.’