Page 10 of Rachel’s Pudding Pantry

‘Oh,’ the question floored Rachel momentarily.

‘Well?’ Maisy chanted. ‘Amelia’s got one and Nell’s got one, and even Harry says he has one but he only sees him on Saturdays.’

‘Oh Maisy, of course you have a daddy. Everyone does. It’s just that …’ Rachel knew she had to frame the words carefully, not wanting Maisy to feel unwanted. ‘Well, he’s not here much. He lives a long way away.’

‘Why doesn’t he live here … with us … like Amelia’s daddy? Doesn’t he like me?’

Rachel’s heart went out to her daughter. Because he’s an irresponsible, immature, selfish little git came to mind.

‘Oh petal, of course he does, he loves you. It’s just a bit more complicated for us. Your daddy and mummy aren’t together – a bit like Harry’s, but because your daddy is so far away it’s hard for him to come and see you, even on Saturdays.’ She was trying her best to explain the mess that adults make of their lives and their relationships in simple terms for a young child. ‘He did come and see you a year ago, don’t you remember?’ It was actually a bit more than that, but a year sounded better.

Maisy stood shaking her head, whilst screwing up her little face as though she was trying so hard to remember. Blimey, Rachel realised, thinking about it, it was more like sixteen months ago, just before Christmas. Maisy would only have been three-and-a-half. He’d turned up out of the blue with a Christmas gift for his daughter, and a twenty-pound note to help Rachel out. (Hah – that had gone a long way, not! Did he even realise what a pair of children’s shoes cost?) He’d never managed to pay any formal child support, being mostly unemployed, or so he’d told the authorities. But in a way, for Rachel, it was easier not having him around. They could manage just fine themselves, on a budget of course. They didn’t need his kind of inconsistent and unreliable support. Oh yes, a kiss and a hug for Maisy, empty promises to visit more often, then – poof – he’d be gone again.

‘Remember the monkey toy?’ Rachel asked, trying to help Maisy out.

The little girl nodded.

‘Well, that was your Christmas gift from your daddy.’ It was now sitting on the shelf in Maisy’s bedroom – after being hugged for several months, and with no further appearance from her dad, Monkey had got moved aside in favour of the soft-toy lamb she’d had as a baby from Grandma Jill.

‘Oh,’ was all Maisy said. She went quiet again for a few moments. ‘Well, it is my birthday soon,’ she piped up, her face brightening. ‘He could come to my party.’

Rachel didn’t want to give her daughter any false hope, but yes, she’d send a text to his last known number. She thought she had an email address she could try too. But she wasn’t holding out a lot of hope. ‘Well, I’ll try. We’ll invite him, shall we?’ Maisy was nodding vigorously. ‘But I still think he might have to be at work, a long way away.’

Who knew whether he even had a bloody job?! Or money for a train fare, or a car he could use. Argh, why the hell had she chosen her first love so poorly? She was seventeen when it all happened and so bloody naïve. He’d dipped in and out of her life for the next two years, never able to commit to anything even then. By the time she’d seen past the boyband-style good looks and charm and realised how useless he was, it was too late, she was pregnant with Maisy. But in all honesty, she couldn’t wish it hadn’t happened either, Maisy was far too precious to wish away.