Page 42 of Christmas at Rachel’s Pudding Pantry

‘Maybe.’ Rachel didn’t want to make any promises on his behalf, until she’d ascertained exactly what his plans were.

Her little girl placed the plate of muffins down carefully, then raced across to Rachel to get the phone. ‘Come on, ring him then, Mummy.’

‘Okay, okay.’

Rachel stepped out towards the barn entrance to get a little privacy.

‘Hiya.’ He picked up immediately – that was a first.

‘Hi, it’s me, calling back.’

‘Okay, so have you got Maisy there?’

‘Yeah, she’s here.’

‘Great, can I talk with her then?’

Rachel passed the phone over with a feeling of anxiety. Maisy’s emotions were something to be toyed with as far as her father was concerned.

‘Hello, Daddy!’ Maisy sounded so excited.

Rachel could hear her little girl’s half of the conversation, chatting about going to Eve’s for tea after gym club in the week and making chocolate cupcakes with Grandma for the Pantry. Maisy’s voice lifted. ‘You’re coming to see me … soon?’

Maisy was then grinning away shyly, nodding, with the odd ‘yes’ in reply. Then she offered the phone back to Rachel animatedly. ‘Daddy wants to speak to you. He’s coming to see me!’

Bloody hell, why did he have to tell her that already and get her all wound up again? It had better not be more false promises. They’d had enough of that back in the summer; there was one nightmare occasion where he had failed to turn up completely and Rachel was always the one who had to pick up the pieces and sort out the emotional mess left by his absence. It wasn’t Maisy’s fault, bless her, but being let down tended to mess you up, especially when you were only five. There was, in fact, more chance of the real Father Christmas turning up, Rachel thought wryly.

‘Hi, it’s me again.’ Rachel’s tone was cool.

‘Yeah, so we’ll be coming up this weekend.’

‘This weekend?’ So soon. Did he never consider her feelings?

‘Yep, why not? Got a couple of days clear. I’m just sorting out a B & B.’

‘Oh blimey, okay, I suppose we can work it out.’ She didn’t really have a lot of choice in the matter by the sounds of it. ‘And Jake …’ She turned away from Maisy, her voice low but emphatic, ‘don’t you dare let her down again.’

‘Nah, course not, what do you take me for?’

He sounded far too bloody flippant for her liking.

After finishing the call, Rachel realised she was meant to be seeing Tom this weekend too. But she really needed to stay around to see how Jake and Maisy got on. She wasn’t prepared to let Maisy go waltzing off with her irresponsible prick of a father, without the chance to veto him and his plans. There was no way she could go out for a romantic lunch now; she’d never relax even if she did. Trust Jake to mess up her weekend. So, lunch out was going to have to wait for another day, damn. She was trying her best to make time for her new romance, but life just kept getting in the way. She wasn’t looking forward to breaking this particular piece of news to Tom, either.

18

Rachel couldn’t get to sleep. It had been an uppity kind of day. It had been busy with the vet, and she knew she’d be anxious until the results on the cattle came through. Dad had been around for the last four-yearly check – what if things had gone wrong on her watch, that she’d been the one to let TB into the farm? Then there had been Jake’s bloody call and his imminent arrival no less. And when she’d called him to break the news, Tom had been really disgruntled to find out she was letting him down over the weekend. She hadn’t been able to explain everything very well, she knew, and it had come out a bit wrong, and she’d ended up getting frustrated with him for not understanding. But her brain had been mush by that point – and how the hell could you put all that into words? Years of being let down left you on your guard, and she needed to protect her daughter, that was the bottom line. But she hadn’t been able to voice that very well. Tom had been disappointed about the cancelled lunch date, and accused her of coming up with a load of excuses for not seeing him. ‘Aren’t relationships about spending time together?’ he’d said accusingly.

The bedroom clock tick-tocked away on the wall and Rachel could hear the rustling of the trees in the wind outside, the odd hoot of a barn owl. Her eyes were staring fixedly at the ceiling; her mind firmly awake.

But as she lay there, thinking about all the chaotic mess, she came to realise it wasn’t Tom she was angry with; what he’d said rang true and what she wanted more than anything was to feel his strong arms around her, to show him how much she needed his patience and his love. Ironically, just to be with him.

Could she go now? Sneak across to the next-door farm? Steal into his bed? She’d have to come back in the early hours, be here at the farm for the morning routine – she didn’t want to upset Maisy by being absent; her little girl had enough on her plate to deal with. Mum was here with her now if there were any unexpected problems, and she’d leave a note by Jill’s door and another in the kitchen saying where she’d gone – she’d have her phone and could be back in five minutes if need be, but Maisy slept well generally. She lay listening and all was quiet in the house.

Would Tom think she was a little bit crazy turning up out of the blue at eleven thirty at night? But she missed him like an ache, right then. Silly, as he was only a few miles away. Was he lying there, thinking of her too, wishing he could hold her in his arms? Or, was he still cross with her?

Wide awake now, she flung off the covers, slipped on her jeans and a T-shirt, plus a warm fleece. She tiptoed downstairs, grabbed the keys to the Land Rover, started it as quietly as she could and drove slowly away. She didn’t put the headlights on until she was halfway down the track; the moonlight was bright and she could see safely enough.

Her heart was beating faster as she got nearer to Tom’s farm. The lane was quiet at this time of night, just the glorious sight of a majestic barn owl and its swoop of white wings as it flew from its perch on a fence post and out across the road ahead of her, a safe distance in front of the vehicle. It was beautiful.