Page 32 of Summer at Rachel’s Pudding Pantry

‘Yes, I bet. The wedding day is coming around so fast.’

‘I know …’ Rachel couldn’t help the crease in her brow.

‘So, pet. What’s on your mind?’ Ruth could read her like a book.

‘Oh, I don’t know. I’m just so busy trying to get everything organised. I just want it all to go right for everybody, you know …’ She was still skirting away from her real fear; terrified that Tom was having second thoughts.

‘Tell me about your wedding day, Granny?’ Rachel continued, suddenly wondering why she had never asked this before.

‘Oh well, there’s a question. I remember it like it was yesterday. My dress was just beautiful, I felt a million dollars, it was to-the-floor and a lovely satin. I had a long veil – they were all the fashion then, you see – and a bouquet of yellow and white roses. It was such a chilly April day, though, nothing like this nice June weather we’re having now, and I was freezing standing outside the church having umpteen photos with Grandad Ken. Who,’ she said with a poignant smile, as the memories flooded back, ‘looked so dashing in his smart black suit and yellow tie.’ She blushed a little and continued to tell Rachel how all the locals in the little Scottish border village came out to watch, and there was a big tea party back at the village hall. ‘I’ll have to fetch out the old photo album next time you pop by, Rachel.’

‘That’d be lovely. So, what was your wedding cake like, Granny?’ Rachel was enjoying losing herself in Granny’s lovely memories.

‘Oh, quite traditional, lass. Two tiers of white-iced fruit cake. No one thought of using sponge back then. Lasted longer, and was often the same recipe as our Christmas cake. Mother made mine, Great-Granny Tessa, aye, she was a good baker. Lovely and moist her fruit cake was. She’d been feeding it for weeks – splash of brandy and a nip of whisky, if I remember rightly. Decorated so pretty it was, with a beading of icing around each layer. Hah yes, and one of those little model bride and grooms on the top with fresh flowers, tiny yellow roses they were … I think there was enough to feed the whole village.’

‘Sounds perfect.’ On the contrary, Rachel’s life felt far from perfect right now. ‘Oh Granny, it’s all a bit of a mess …’ Her tone changed completely as her fears threatened to spill over. ‘I’m so worried.’

‘Oh lass, it’s not unusual to feel a bit shaky just before your wedding day. It’s a big thing, or at least it should be: a lifelong commitment. Although, I have to say, some of the young folk these days seem to think of it as a throwaway commodity …’

Rachel took a sip of her tea, as the thought dawned on her that Tom had already thrown away one marriage. Was he right to feel so wary about the next? Was she acting like some romantic fool, blinded to reality? Rachel sighed, trying to smother her fears. She loved Tom so very much, but was love enough? He’d made her feel better than she had in such a long time … experiencing emotions and sensations that she hadn’t ever imagined she could. He made her feel complete. But to him was she just a spare part? Arrrgh. Those words she’d overheard in the lane had sent everything spiralling into uncertainty. She knew she should be trying harder to ask Tom directly, she should probably be banging on his farmhouse door, but that seemed too scary a prospect right now … what if it was true? She was frightened of what his response might be.

‘Oh, Granny, there’s so much going on … and I’m worried about Tom. How he feels about me … about the wedding,’ she finally blurted out.

‘What’s been happening, pet?’ Granny’s warm tones soothed.

‘So, I was mending the fence by the road, yesterday … I was on the other side, out of sight, and I heard Tom pull up, he was talking to Ben. I know he’s having a rough time with Caitlin as she’s a real pain at the best of times, but … oh, it hurt so much to hear it, Granny …’ Rachel paused.

Ruth looked on kindly and listened, waiting for Rachel to find the words.

‘He said … he said that he couldn’t believe he was even thinking of getting married again.’ There, it was out.

‘Oh, dear lassie, it sounds as though he was just feeling exasperated, that’s all. That Caitlin woman … well, there’s not many folk that I don’t take to, but I never did warm to her when she was living here in the village. No, I didn’t much like her, if I’ll be honest. She was always one to pick fault in others, and never judged herself on the same terms. I remember her having a go at Brenda in the deli once, for not stocking her favourite olives. What a palaver over nothing. It was her tone, as though we were a load of country bumpkins out here.’

‘Oh …’ Rachel was still feeling at a loss. Caitlin didn’t sound a very nice person. She hadn’t really got to know her – or seen a lot of her – when she was married to Tom, being too busy with a young baby at the time.

‘Of course Tom loves you, lassie. You can see it plain as day from the way he looks at you. And you’re a good match, the pair of you. Don’t let something like this unsettle the apple cart. And if you’re fretting, why don’t you just ask him about it? I’m sure he’d be upset if he thought he’d hurt you, by saying something like that in the heat of the moment.’

‘I suppose.’ Rachel took a bite of her cream scone, but it didn’t taste half as good as it should have done – emotions stealing her appetite. ‘There’s something else too … All the wedding arrangements and everything, it’s all bustling on around me, and that’s kind of nice, but I can’t help but feel sad too.’

‘Oh, pet.’ Ruth seemed to know what was coming.

‘There’ll always be someone missing, Granny.’

‘Aye.’ Ruth nodded her head in understanding. ‘It’s true. But life must go on, Rachel. Your dad wouldn’t want to be spoiling your big day for you now, would he.’

‘But … he should be there, walking me down the aisle, my arm linked through his. Giving me away. Making his father-of-the-bride speech.’ Rachel’s heart felt sore just thinking about his absence.

‘Yes, he should. But that cannot be, pet. You need to keep remembering him, of course, and it might be difficult at times on that day especially, but you also need to make sure you have a damned good time and celebrate your wedding with your family and friends. That’s what he’d want for you.’ Ruth laid a gentle, stoical hand on Rachel’s shoulder. ‘We’ll get by just fine, and we’ll be sure to have a lovely day of it.’

Rachel gave a slow sigh, took a sip of fragrant tea, and looked out across the green curves of the valley. Although she knew that Granny was probably right, somehow, she just couldn’t shake her feelings of unease over what the future held.

16

Arriving back at the farmhouse, after picking Maisy up from her after-school club, Rachel found Jill and Daniel looking rather cosy at the kitchen table. Argh, that was all she needed right now. Having talked about her dad with Granny Ruth just before, his absence felt especially raw. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Daniel – he was a nice enough guy – but seeing him sitting there, in Dad’s place, his long legs stretched out, relaxed, it just felt all wrong to Rachel.

She spotted Mum pull her hand away from Daniel’s across the table top.

‘Really, Mum. You’re acting like a pair of teenagers.’ The words were out before Rachel knew it. She realised she was behaving like a surly teenager herself, and tried hard to stop the frown that was threatening to break out across her face, but today of all days she didn’t need to have this new relationship rubbed in her face. She missed Dad so much. Wasn’t Mum feeling that too? How was it so easy for her to move on?