Page 71 of The Seaside Cocktail Campervan

He took out his notepad and a biro from his backpack, and looked out across the rocky crags, moorland grass, prickly gorse bushes. The words were there in his mind, ready, flowing through to his fingertips:

Your faces haunt me.

The one I lost.

The one I could yet lose.

In these hills, as dusk begins to settle, shadows deepening in the valley.

The sky lifting to a blaze of sunset gold, brushed with magenta, burnished copper.

Will I ever find you again?

Should I dare?

Jack put down his pen. He suddenly didn’t know which way to turn, or what the endgame was anymore. He’d been protecting himself for so long. Keeping going, moving forward, as much as he could. Keeping the blinkers firmly on. Stopping himself getting involved. But had he been missing what really mattered? He’d not let anyone in for such a long, long time. Was that the only way?

Not being loved, meant not getting hurt. But hurting Lucy was hurting him too. He could see that now.

His head was spinning.

He’d watch this glorious sunset fade and then sleep on it, he decided. He had a small hipflask of single malt whisky in the pocket of his rucksack. He found it, and sipped it slowly as the light faded. It warmed him through.

Yes, he’d stay here and watch the stars come out one by one, like vibrant white pin-pricks above him. It was a mild enough night. He laid out the roll mat and sleeping bag in the open air, and just lay there looking up, trying to sort through this crazy kaleidoscope of thoughts and emotions, feeling like a dot in the universe, a dot full of hurt and confusion.

Chapter 38

‘Girlfriend, you are kidding me, right?’

Sat at a corner table in the Driftwood Café, with a latte and a very large slice of Victoria sponge in front of her, Lucy was finally spilling the truth to Becky about what had been going on with Jack.

Becky’s mouth dropped open as she was about to load it with a cream and jam scone.

Lucy felt herself go pink as the heat of shame rose within her. ‘Oh, I wish I was joking, Becks.’

‘So, you … you willingly let Jack, waste-of-space, all-time player, dickhead, into your home and your bed. Are you crazy? Do you have some kind of masochistic wish to get hurt again? Just put yourself in line, Luce. Wow, I didn’t think you were that stupid.’

‘Nor did I,’ Lucy conceded sheepishly, her latte cooling untouched before her. ‘I just got caught up in it all. He went to such an effort with that picnic and the cocktails on the beach, and we’d been getting on great as friends before that.’

‘Tactics. That’s all it was.’

‘I’ve been a bloody idiot, haven’t I?’ Lucy felt her shoulders slump.

‘Yup.’ Becky took a huge bite of her scone. ‘Hey …’ she softened, ‘we can all get things wrong sometimes. Oh, god, you did take precautions, I hope?’

‘Of course.’

‘Phew. So, it’s nothing you can’t move past. Live and learn, Luce. Live and learn. You’ll be fine. And next time listen to your old mate, Becks.’ Her friend gave her a little dig in the ribs.

‘I bloody well will.’

‘Oh, on that note, there is someone interested in a date.’

‘With you?’

‘Don’t be so daft, I’m all shacked up with Darren. No, you.’

‘Huh, how’s that? Becks, no,’ Lucy didn’t really like where the conversation was suddenly heading, ‘Nope, I really don’t feel ready for dating just now. After this disaster, I’m going to hole up back at the cottage with Daisy for the rest of the year, maybe the decade.’